Daily Gratitudes And Attitudes

Update? What's that?

2011-06-20T14:41:00.003-05:00

So sorry to have neglected this blog for so long. It isn't that I don't want to write ... I just can't seem to carve out the time these days.

In the future (not so distant future, I hope) I will be blogging about the following:

Our family trip to Disney World!

Stephen was granted the most amazing wish of a week in Orlando, FL and tickets to several of the Disney parks.

Life, in general ...

Too much going on, but I'll try to squeeze in a few details ASAP.

Hope y'all are having a fantastic summer!

They Say The First Year Is The Hardest ...

2011-03-21T00:40:00.004-05:00

Well, I can with all honesty say that it's been the hardest year ever for me.

Losing mama.

It sort of hit me hard today while I was visiting my daddy. I walked in the kitchen that I grew up in. My mama's kitchen. Today was one year ago that my mama had her last meal, and it was cooked by me, in her kitchen. She called me that morning and asked us to come over, and wanted me to make tacos. Mama loved tacos as much as Stephen does. I'm so glad I was able to do that for her.

I could tell that mama was in a lot of pain that day. Her back was hurting her and she kept asking me to rub it for her. We didn't know that her liver was enlarged from the cancer that was going to take her life in only a few more days. Even though she was in a lot of discomfort, she mustered up the strength to wash the dishes and put them away before I had gotten back down stairs from taking Stephen to the bathroom. I hope I can be as tough as my mama was. No pain meds at all in the last stage of cancer. Not even a Tylenol. God love her, she wouldn't take them because they can cause liver damage. She had nothing for pain until a few hours before she died in the hospital on the following Wednesday.

I'll never forget those few hours I had alone with mama before the Lord took her home. I'll never forget the spiritual experience we shared before her spirit left her body. Some day I'll write about that experience. A whole year later and I still can't put it into words.

When I entered this world, it was only she and I and a medical staff. When she exited this world, it was only she and I and a medical staff. I will be changed forever because of the last moments we had together. I'm so thankful that she and I worked through our differences. We went through a couple of times over the last 24 years that we didn't speak for a long period of time. My fault, not hers. I know she wanted the best for me and as the old saying goes ... Mother knows best.

March 25th will be one year since the most important woman in my life exited this world and entered eternal life with her Lord and Savior. She was reunited with her loved ones. I miss her and will always have an empty space that only she can fill.

So When's The Last Time I Blogged About Stephen?

2011-02-11T16:10:00.010-06:00

Yeah, I know! It's been a while, huh? Let me give y'all a brief update.

One of my old friends mentioned that she hadn't seen a photo in a while of Stephen and was caught a little off guard when she saw a photo of him with facial hair. Friend, I still cant believe it either! It just makes me want to cry when I compare his old photos to his recent ones. It feels like the last 18 years have flown by so quickly. I cannot tell you how much I wish I had listened to my Mawmaw years ago. The very last one-on-one conversation I had with her she was urging me to have more children. She couldn't imagine one child being enough. She had many siblings growing up and had eight children of her own. Well, I wouldn't have wanted eight children! But I do wish I had at least one more. Not only for my own reasons of loving children, but also so Stephen would have a brother or sister. My brother and I are ten years apart in age, but even so, we were always very close. I wish Stephen had that. If I could go back a few years I would have ignored the doctors and tried for another baby. Stephen is a miracle, and God could have performed another miracle - If we had allowed Him.

So, about Stephen. He's had a birthday since I last updated! He is now eighteen years old! Oh, be still my tearful heart! He and I stand exactly nose to nose and he weighs almost as much as I do. He is waaaay stronger than I am. He gets sweeter every day. Absolutely the love of my life, as I have said time and time again. And the icing on the cake is, we can even wear the same size. That's super cool! :)

A side note here: My laptop just up and died on me two days ago. I could cry a bucket of tears because the last three years of our life is on that thing. Photos of Stephen and my mama, videos of Stephen and my MAMA! I hope and I pray it can be repaired, or at the very least, I can have my photos and files copied. Either way, it''ll cost many dollars that I just don't have right now. So I will save all that for a future project.

I am now blogging from my old faithful Dell desk top computer that is still running on the XP operating system. Need I say more? They should have stopped at XP in my opinion. Best system they ever had.

Fortunately I do have some recent photos uploaded to facebook, so I will add one or two here to show y'all -- and dear old friend, brace yourself girl ... You won't believe your eyes.

Many Blessing!

A Priceless Gift

2010-12-24T09:20:00.005-06:00

It was the Christmas of 1980. I was fourteen years old and had just fallen into the pattern of comparing myself to others, as a lot of teenage girls do. Somehow, I allowed myself to believe that in order to be as good as everyone else, I had to be like everyone else; look like everyone else; have the same possessions; wear the same brand name and style of clothing. I didn’t understand the underlying cause of that belief and I didn’t care at the time -- I only knew that I desperately wanted a rabbit fur coat that Christmas. Most likely, I wanted one because all the cool girls had one, and for whatever reason, I felt I was beneath them if I didn’t have one. Now looking back, I’m not so sure if I even liked rabbit fur. I certainly wouldn’t want one now. The problem was, I knew I wasn’t going to get a rabbit fur or even a faux rabbit fur coat that year because daddy had been laid off from his job and we were doing very well to have food on the table and electricity.

Mama made it very clear to me I was not going to have my heart’s desire that year. I didn’t know at the time, but my mama understood me more than I thought.
Mama was a very creative woman, and her talents were endless. One of her talents was the art of ceramics. Mama didn’t have the best vision, and I remember her working endlessly in the basement with a bright light and huge magnifying glass to add the smallest details to her pieces of art. One of the happiest moments in her life of ceramics was the year she won first place in the state fair for a Christmas ginger jar lamp, and second place for another piece she made, and a trophy for best overall talent in the show.

I didn’t notice at the time, but Mama also knew the feeling of comparing oneself to others. I believe she finally felt accomplished that day at the fair. She had done something she was proud of and probably felt pretty good about the fact she walked away with something the best in the competition had tried to win for years. The same people who made fun of her work behind her back because she was a beginner entering the contest. Eventually, mama’s vision became worse - to the point she had to quit ceramics. But not until she left a treasure behind.

Now about the Christmas of 1980. I remember it well … I remember for some reason, no one was there except Mama and me on Christmas Eve morning. My daddy and brother, Randy had probably gone on their annual Christmas Eve deer hunting trip with the other men in the family. There were six gifts under the tree. Three for my brother, and three for me. Three gifts representing the three gifts given to baby Jesus. All six gifts were made by mama’s loving hands as she squinted in the basement with the magnifying glass and bright light. “Things are tight this Christmas, honey, with daddy being laid off work,” said mama. “I know how badly you want the rabbit fur coat, and I’m sorry we couldn’t get it for you. I want you to open this one now, then we’ll let you and Randy open the rest tonight when we‘re all together. It‘s not much, it’s just something I made for you.” It was our family tradition to open gifts on Christmas Eve night. I’m still not sure why Mama chose this as a mother and daughter moment.

Mama had put a lot of work into the Christmas package itself. The box was wrapped beautifully with gold foil paper and a soft velvet burgundy ribbon tied around it. I unwrapped the paper, trying not to tear it too much, and inside the box was layers and layers of tissue paper. Inside the tissue paper was the lady figurine with black hair, wearing a black dress with splashes of red. Her eyes were dramatic and very detailed, and even her fingernails were painted. She was beautiful, but she was not the rabbit fur coat that I so desired. I forced a smile and hugged mama’s neck while saying, “thank you” in a very dry, insincere tone, and went upstairs to my room to cry.

That night, my brother and I unwrapped the remaining gifts under the tree. Each gift made and signed with love. She made each of us a clock with our name on it. I can’t remember the other two gifts of my brother’s, but I remember very clearly the lady wearing the black dress, my clock and my trinket box which remained on my dresser for years.

After mama went home to be with the Lord this past March, we started doing what most people do - we started cleaning house and finding everything we could to make us feel close to mama again. I moved out of the house when I was seventeen, and she left my room exactly the same as I left it. For years, every Christmas I thought about the beautiful lady in black and red, but could never find her. Finally in June, I found my little lady figurine in a box, in one of my dresser drawers, wrapped in layers and layers of tissue paper. She was still just as beautiful as I remembered. The only thing different was my attitude. Like the Grinch Who Stole Christmas, my heart grew three sizes that day. I held her and I studied her in a way I never had before. I looked at her eyes, her fingers … every detail that I know my mama could barely see to make, but somehow made the figurine lifelike. I beheld her with far more appreciation than I did the Christmas of 1980.

I’ve had many costly gifts in my forty-four Christmases on this earth, but none that changed my attitude as much as that one priceless gift from the heart did when I was fourteen. Sadly, it took thirty years to fully appreciate. Alone in my bedroom this summer, I couldn’t help but cry when seeing her for the first time in years. I felt the love of my mama again through the gift she felt wasn’t good enough for me in 1980, and apologized to me at the time for it “not being much” … Not knowing that in years to come, it would become the most important gift and lesson she could have given me. The attitude of gratitude.

By the way, Christmas 1981, I got a rabbit fur coat, and yes, I did love it, but eventually it went out of style and started to shed. I donated it to the thrift store.

I’ll treasure the beautiful lady in black and red forever, but even more so, the beautiful lady who made her for me will be treasured and appreciated the way she deserved to be appreciated the Christmas of 1980.

Legacy ...

2010-11-23T11:33:00.007-06:00

L-R: Mawmaw, aunt Lela, Pawpaw, my Mama, aunt Christine, and aunt Marie- the cute little blond standing in the front.

A Legacy Of Faith … How it all began.

If you’ve been reading my blog for a while, you’ve heard the stories of my paternal grandmother’s faith and love of God, which was very instrumental in laying my spiritual foundation. But there’s more. A lot more.

I have rarely mentioned my maternal grandfather, the evangelist -- The Evangelist Saul Brasher. Now days when you hear the word “evangelist,” you probably picture a man on TV wearing a white suit who owns a private jet, and is asking for a financial gift, right? In my opinion, the word has been abused over the years to the point most people cringe when they hear someone is an evangelist. The word evangelize simply means to convert others to your faith. My grandfather spread the gospel all over Alabama and Georgia during the years following the great depression, when people needed hope in a way they never imagined before. As most evangelists did, he supported his family on the financial offerings he received from the church. During the great depression, there was no money to offer, so as you can imagine, my grandfather was not a rich man. No, not rich, but they never went to bed hungry, and they were blessed in ways money can’t buy.

My maternal grandparents knew hard times well. They knew poverty. They knew the pain of losing a child; They lost four children. They endured persecution from those of the same faith. Did you know that Christian soldiers are the worst to destroy their own? The first thing I think of when I look at the photo above is my mama’s hair. Her parents allowed her to get a perm for the first time when she was fifteen years old. Some of the women in their church went overboard with persecution, thumping the bible and pointing their self-righteous fingers in her face. Pawpaw stood firm behind his daughter, and supported her new hairdo. Pawpaw stood up to the finger-pointers, and I’m so proud of him for doing that. He understood that a person’s walk with the Lord has nothing to do with their hairstyle. He fought against religious legalism and taught us that Christ is about relationship, not religion. And most certainly not about judging others.

My grandfather walked through life just as he is posing in the photo above -- Clinging to his bible. Pawpaw literally breathed in an exhaled the word. He held on to his beliefs, and he truly practiced what he preached.

I remember when I was a little girl going to visit my grandparents in the country - Pawpaw had a trail in the woods behind their house that led a path to his “rock alter”. Every day, as long as he was able, he took his bible and walked that path to be alone with God. He spent many mornings on his knees in prayer. Not only did he pray for his family, his church family, and his nation, Pawpaw would spend much of this time praising God and giving thanks … just being with God one-on-one, loving Him. “Prayer is not just about asking God for something,” he’d say. He instructed me that we should be thankful, and approach God with thankful hearts like it’s Thanksgiving Day, every day.
God hears the prayers of the righteous. (Proverbs 15:29)
This thanksgiving, I am giving thanks for the legacy of my grandfather, whose prayers are still being honored for his children, grandchildren and great-grandchildren. I cling to the word myself now, and hope to have the courage and the strength to continue in Pawpaw's footsteps in whatever the Lord has planned for my life.

Wishing all of you a Happy Thanksgiving this year.

Next blog, I plan to continue my family’s story - I’m not sure what it’ll be yet, whatever I feel led in my heart to write about.

Okay, Now What?

2010-11-03T12:14:00.004-05:00

I am here because I publicly stated I would blog again. I made that announcement to motivate myself. I hate not to keep a promise. So here I am.

Now what?

Honestly, I’ve been suffering from the worst case of writer’s block I’ve ever experienced. I’m sure losing my mama has a lot to do with that, but I was even struggling before she went home to be with the Lord.

I’ve had such a difficult time dealing with mama’s death, my doctor prescribed valium and an antidepressant. Well, for the first three months I felt nothing. “Numbness is better than agonizing pain,” I said to myself. In moments that I should have cried, I just couldn’t. I felt completely numb. Up until about 6 weeks ago I was doing okay (then had a brief meltdown); I was going through the motions. Trying to clean my house and cook, trying to clean daddy’s house and cook, trying to care for Stephen, trying to be a wife, trying to pay the bills, trying to be involved in Stephen’s school activities … naturally I put my relationship with God on the back burner because I was spread so thin, I couldn’t (or wouldn’t) carve out more than time spent at church twice a week for Him. I got into that old rut that a lot of us fall into at some point in our walk with the Lord - Spending Sundays and Wednesdays at church, going through the motions of what we’ve allowed to become monotonous, then the rest of our time is spent on everything and anything but God. Why is it so hard to just stick to a morning devotion? Why is it so difficult to just draw closer to Him?

Without opening myself up to a religious debate, I dare say it’s because the flesh just isn’t willing and our natural tendency is to give in to our flesh and not to our spirit. How many of us are spirit-led and not led by our flesh? On a full-time basis? I believe a lot of us are. I know a whole lot of people who are spirit-led.

THAT IS WHAT I WANT! What does it say in Matthew 26:41? The spirit is willing, but the flesh is weak. That’s me. I am getting so sick of giving in to my own will (flesh) I can’t stand it. The strange thing is, in my case, my flesh is not high maintenance. I’m a very simple woman, and I don’t require a lot of attention, nice things or a fancy lifestyle. I drive an eleven year old second-hand pick up truck and live in a small single-wide, so it’s obvious I’m not a demanding wife; I never have been. I’ve always accepted whatever life gave me and figured it was good enough, although I didn‘t jump for joy over it, mind you. Would I like more? I sure would! But I’m not willing to put Stephen in a group home so I can go back to work for meaningless material things. Stephen comes first. So it’s been established my weakness is not material things. I do not desire to go outside my marriage to seek comfort … So very strangely, in my case, I’m led by my *responsibilities*. I have even more of them now that my mama is gone. I’m taking care of her home and mine. We have talked about combining our households and moving in with daddy, but it isn’t what any of us truly want to do. We would be cramping daddy’s lifestyle, his dog hates every human being on earth - he bites Stephen every chance he gets. Stress rises for all of us when we go to daddy’s house. Stephen is the most stressed out of all of us when we are there. Moving in with daddy is no longer an option. Period.

So what can I do to keep from going insane through this period of adjustment?

I know first and foremost - God must be placed number one in my life again. I KNOW that.

Okay, now let’s get back to the wreckage of a lifestyle I have going on here: How and where do I begin to make a new schedule for Stephen; my family; for ME? How can I start doing it all without losing my sanity?

Do you remember my mention of a brief meltdown I had a few weeks ago? For months I was numb. I couldn’t cry at all. The husband and I were at a local Barbeque restaurant. He was talking about work, and I was staring out into the parking lot when all of a sudden, I started seeing visions in my mind of mama. Visions of mom and me when I was a little girl, cooking together when I was so little I had to stand in a kitchen chair to reach the counter; My first day of school - I had a lump in my throat but tried to be a big girl and smile as mama played with my Cindy Brady-type pigtails and said she‘d see me in just a few hours, because I could tell she was on the verge of crying as much as I was; singing with mama as she played gospel music on the piano; mama hugging me when I was crying because a boyfriend dumped me, telling me about her experiences as a young girl; My wedding day as she adjusted my southern belle style wedding dress and hat, smiling and crying at the same time; I remembered her blessing me out and scolding me for divorcing my first husband; I saw the disappointment on her face when I told her I was pregnant (and unmarried, which in my family is a huge no-no). I saw her holding Stephen in the rocking chair and singing to him, and I remembered that she never brought the subject up again after laying eyes on him; I saw our arguments all played out again, and finally, I saw her on her deathbed while I fed her jello and held the straw for her to drink her sprite. Then at last, I saw her spirit leave her body and only her shell remained before me. Just like that, the most important woman in my life was gone …

Yes, all the above went through my mind in a matter of minutes and I began to cry, uncontrollably, right there in the middle of Full Moon BBQ. People began to stare at me, then they started giving my husband dirty looks as if they were thinking, “That poor girl! He’s dumping her in a public place! What a piece of crap!” We hurriedly asked for to-go boxes and left. I apologized to my husband, and he was quick to forgive. He understands because he also lost his mother years ago.

So, blog-friends, the recap above is what life has been like for the last 7 months. Before you advise me, I’m already in grief counseling. It is helping, and I hope that someday I can be as helpful to others as my counselors are to me.

So in closing, again I ask: Now what?

Thanks for listening …

Mia Renee’

Thanks for your thoughts and prayers!

2010-05-24T10:29:00.002-05:00

Just wanted to say I’m OK. A lot is going on right now. I’m now taking care of two households: Mine and my daddy’s. I’m miserably failing at both.

It goes without saying, I’ve been terribly depressed lately. Managing depression has always been a battle for me -- But having a disabled child put me in a darker place, then losing mama, as close as we were, has taken me to a new, lower level … a level I’ve never felt before. I know that God will hold me up when I can’t do it on my own. Most days I find that I am just simply going through the motions.

If you have emailed me and not heard back, it’s because I haven’t been checking my email regularly. If you’ve tried to call me and I haven’t returned your calls, please don’t take it personally … I just need what little bit of time I have to myself to be by myself. Over the last few years, I’ve grown to hate the telephone, and lately, I cringe every time the phone rings because I just don’t feel like talking. So please, like I said, don’t take it personally. I just need to withdraw right now. I need time to be with my thoughts and feel my pain.

It’s time to give in and let grieving take it’s natural course. I’ve been staying “busy” and putting it off for two months. In doing that, I‘ve allowed myself to become numb, and I know that isn‘t good.

This is the last week of school and I will be even busier than ever this summer. My daddy is very lost and lonely right now, and I worry about him. Most days I cook our meals at his house, and some days I cook here at home and he comes over to eat with us. I go over to his house every day to help clean and do chores that … well, let’s face it … men aren’t equipped to do, as mama used to say. But I have to say, daddy’s gotten used to doing a lot of things around the house since mama was too ill to do them, and he does a pretty good job.

I will check in as soon as I feel up to it. I do hope the desire to write returns because I have so much I want to share.

Gratitude and Attitude - On Grief ...

2010-04-22T18:54:00.007-05:00

Hello blog. Long time no see.

For the few of you who were unaware, I should tell you that my mama went home to be with the Lord on March 25th. I was alone with her at the time she took her last breath. Just the two of us in a dark and quiet hospital room. No background television noise, no monitors. The only light was from the bathroom door that I left cracked open just enough to see my way around the room. In the last few hours of mama’s life I had the privilege of caring for her as she cared for me for more than 43 years. How do you repay your mother in one day for all she’s done for you? You can’t. It’s as simple as that.

We knew she was dying, but we didn’t know it would be exactly eight hours after the doctor told us the tests revealed terminal cancer; they were going to send her home the next day with hospice.
As for me, I’ve known since last July. Exactly eight months before she died. I think I’ve mentioned somewhere in my blog before that I have a dark gift. Well, I once called it a dark gift, it’s probably wrong for me to call it that … Call it whatever you want. For years I called myself a freak. I have precognitive dreams. I never dream that something good is going to happen - it’s always a warning that something bad is going to happen. Sometimes the dreams are vivid, detailed visions, and sometimes they are filled with symbols that I have to seek God to show me the answer. The dream I had about mama’s death was the type that is filled with symbols. Because of this … gift, I took a class about spiritual dream interpretation so I could learn to accept and learn what is going on in my spirit. I won’t write the details of that dream at this time - maybe someday, but not right now.

Before I begin, I want to tell you that what I am about to share with you is very personal to me, but I allowed our minister to share this story at mama’s funeral, and I will write about it now because after searching my spirit and praying about it, I know it‘s what I am supposed to do. My hope is that it will help someone who has gone through the loss of a loved one, or if you haven’t experienced the grief of losing a parent yet, you will remember these words when the time comes and find comfort in them.

First, let me begin by telling you about my mama. If you’ve been reading my online journal for the last seven years, you’ve read numerous stories about my mama. Some of them I deleted when my blog was made public in our local newspaper last year because I wanted to spare her the embarrassment. My mama and I had a very, very close relationship, but we also had a lot to overcome in the last twenty years. I’m happy to say that our relationship was mended and all was right when she died. We were probably closer than we’ve ever been. As I end today’s entry on that note, let me end in saying this:

If you do have unfinished business with your loved ones, don’t let pride stand in your way of healing those hurts. In the end it doesn’t matter who is right or wrong. You don’t want to have to someday look down into the casket of that loved one with guilt and regret that it’s too late.

I will continue ASAP …

Meanwhile, please keep my family in your thoughts and prayers. Today is four weeks ago that she died.

I'm Still Here ...

2010-02-20T08:48:00.005-06:00

But - I'm not back. I have many blog entries in draft, but nothing published yet. I haven't had the time to dedicate to my writing like I want to. I really miss blogging/writing because:
(1) - It's what I do, it's who I am. Therefore, I write.
(2) -It's therapeutic for me.
It's as simple as that.

I want to write about my experiences during the Daniel Fast, but the truth is, it's still an ongoing process, and the personal revelation going on in my heart is at times overwhelming for me.

I will share two keywords with you that will be in my next topic, spiritually-speaking:

Hoarding and De-cluttering.

I've been astounded by the things I've discovered in my heart and soul. Examining the storage compartments in the basement of my heart, I found boxes deeply covered in dust and cobwebs, where I had carefully placed things I couldn't bring myself to let go of. Things that I couldn't possibly delete from my life because ... I may want to bring them up some day and make use of them again. But I've been shown that sometimes in order to move forward, you have to make room for that which is new. I've discovered that sometimes the items you've been hoarding in your heart serve only to clutter your soul, which makes it impossible to grow in your spirit.

So, as you can see, it's a process for me. Insight of oneself can be a painful but necessary experience. Right now, my Maker and I are having a Tug of War type of thing going on.
He'll win ... I know He'll win ...
Letting go has proven to be an enormous challenge for me, and I never realized that before.

I'll be back when I feel it's time. Or, rather, when my spirit knows it's time.

... A New Year

2010-01-04T10:02:00.004-06:00

Hi everyone. I’m breaking my Internet fast to make this blog entry. I’ll pray extra to make up for it. ;)

The line above makes no sense if you’re unaware of “Daniel Fasting.” I’ll explain: Daniel Fasting is taken from the book of Daniel. Our church begins the new year with a Daniel Fast. Giving up meats, sweets, breads … anything that tastes good, really, and we put prayer and bible study in the place of these things. Last year, a week into the fast, my body let me know that I have some underlying health problems. I was already aware that I am anemic and have some form of arthritis, but I didn’t give it a lot of serious thought until I woke up one day and couldn’t move without stabbing pain in my muscles from the neck down. I added meat back to my diet and stayed off of sweets and breads for the next two weeks (it’s a three week fast). Last year was my very first time to fast and pray for that length of time, but I must say that last year was the first time in my life that I experienced spiritual growth on a whole new level. I wasn’t hungry, I was just denying myself my favorite foods, and I‘ll admit it was difficult at first. In return, I experienced spiritual clarity I’d never known before. I’ll get into that another time.

I should be honest and say that over the last few months, I’ve felt a decline in my spirit. I’ve allowed myself to become depressed. I should have been on guard -- it gets worse during the winter for me, except for last year. Last year I didn’t experience depression at all. Not even during the winter. Yes, I was physically exhausted as usual, but not severely depressed. I thought about that fact a couple of weeks ago and wondered why. Why wasn’t I depressed last year? Then I remembered that last year I walking closer with God. We were attending church regularly and since this past fall, Stephen and I have been “homebound” because of his health concerns. Aha, that’s it. I left a door wide open for the enemy and boy, is he clever. I didn’t even see it coming. I’ve battled depression since I was a child. I know for many, depression is a medical problem, but in my case it’s spiritual. Depression is a powerful tool, and if I’m not on guard, it’ll overwhelm my spirit. I opened the door by skipping my morning devotions. I’ve always believed that morning devotion is food for the soul like breakfast is the most important meal of the day for the body. I starting slacking in my prayer life and bible study in October and just look how fast I went downhill! Just as I usually skip breakfast, I started skipping my daily bread. The bible. The word of God. Our daily bread. Yep, I was fasting “that” and I now see the spiritual result. I don't like it.

It’s time to get into shape. For most of us, we make a resolution to get into physical shape in the New Year. That’s good. I’m all in favor of that. But it’s also a very good idea to give your spirit a lift and shape it up as well. I’m doing that, starting this week. I will be leaving off breads, sweets AND facebook for three weeks. Because we all know how I love my facebook contacts. It’s my only social life these days. But I’ll be communicating with my Heavenly Father in its place. I’m just getting online long enough to let you guys know, because I’ve received the comments and emails you’ve sent. I wanted to let you know that all is well! I’m thinking that I might keep a journal this time while fasting, and if I do, I’ll blog about it and link it from here.

I’ll be back in a few weeks. Y’all take care!

A Glimpse Into The World Of A Primary Caregiver

2009-12-15T10:57:00.001-06:00

Well, that’s probably a weird title. I can’t think of anything else. If you are the friends or family of a caregiver, I’m going to give you a few tips of ways you can help your loved one who is the primary caregiver. I am writing this with little sleep and too much coffee in my system, which, by the way, makes me feel like I‘m wide-awake-exhausted. So, let’s just jump right in:

* Visits ~ First and very, very foremost. Do not ever, ever visit the caregiver’s home unannounced. Unless you have a million dollar check in your hand, telling them they’re the big winner, please give them a good day or two notice before you visit them. There’s nothing worse for a caregiver than to be in your pajamas, wearing no makeup and your hair looks like two squirrels have been fighting in it when you suddenly hear a knock on the door. What’s worse than that? When the caregiver fits the description above, and they’re right in the middle of changing a diaper. Not a cute little baby’s diaper mind you, but the diaper of someone whose BM weight is far more than their birth weight when they were born. Sorry for the visual, but sometimes it needs to be said. Imagine the terror of that situation if you were in the caregiver’s shoes.

* Phone Calls ~ If you call the caregiver and they don’t return your call, don’t be offended. It’s not that we don’t like you or don’t want to talk to you, it’s just difficult to talk and feed someone at the same time or talk and change a diaper at the same time, or talk and give someone a bath at the same time. I know this, because I’ve talked on the phone and done those things at the same time. It takes skill and practice, but I don’t enjoy having to balance it -- At all. And usually, when the caregiver finally has a moment to rest, we don’t want to spend that moment on the phone, especially on the phone listening to a friend or family member complain about a trivial matter when we are in a deep, dark hole and would love to have your problems. Put yourself in their shoes before you complain about missing your manicure appointment because you had to take your child to football practice or band practice. You will not get the sympathy you’re seeking.

* Parties ~ Do not be offended if your caregiver friend never attends the parties you invite them to. Again, it isn’t that we don’t like you or don’t want to see you. Most of us are “primary” caregivers, meaning, we are in charge of caring for our disabled loved one. Most of us do not get “time off” … ever. Finding a decent respite provider is like finding a pot of gold at the end of the rainbow. On the rare occasion we do get a break, many of us want to be alone or alone with our spouse. I do, anyway. Put yourself in their shoes. Imagine never, ever leaving the house unless it’s to a doctor’s appointment or something equally as stressful. Sometimes, you’d just want to be in a quiet, peaceful place … alone to gather your thoughts. If your caregiver friend doesn’t have a respite provider, you might suggest they bring the person they care for, if that person isn’t confined to the bed. That’s a nice gesture, but you should imagine how stressful that would be on the caregiver. I have taken Stephen to parties, but only when we know every person there. That’s just us - this may vary per situation. Stephen does well when meeting strangers, we’re fortunate that he’s sociable (we’re extra protective, too). But even so, it’s difficult for me if he has an “accident” and we have to ask the hostess where we can go for privacy to change him. It’s also stressful even using a bathroom he isn’t used to. I can’t explain why that is - it’s just stressful. If Stephen attends a party with us, my care giving responsibility goes with us - there is no partying involved. Even though we’re at a party, my husband and I never have a relaxing, good time because we’re taking care of Stephen and watching him while everyone else is eating, talking and having a good time. My husband and I have to take turns feeding Stephen so the other one can eat. We never get to eat at the same time when he’s at a party with us, and Stephen is unable to balance a plate of food in his lap if a chair is unavailable at the table. I’m not trying to sound selfish, but it really is easier to just stay home. We feel that it’s good to let Stephen socialize, so we do it anyway, most times. It’s good for him and it’s good to allow him to minister to others in his God-given ways. We’re often told, “you don’t have to watch every move he makes! Let him wander around - stop stressing, he’s fine!” Um, yeah, he’s fine until he swipes your priceless crystal you inherited from your great-grandmother off the table and it smashes into a million pieces. We are doing you, the host/hostess a favor by watching him closely. In our case, we have to watch our almost 17 year old like a two year old. He’s gotten much better as he’s grown up, but not to the point we feel comfortable “letting him go” yet.

* Concerning Unsolicited Advice ~ Don’t judge us. Just like if you do not have children, you shouldn’t pass child-rearing instructions to parents who do have children - As most everyone knows, when you have children of your own, you’ll look back and say, “wow, I used to think it would be easier than this to care for and discipline little Johnny! Being a parent is harder than I thought.” Put yourself in the 24/7 caregiver’s shoes - You cannot imagine what it’s like to care for a disabled child for years. Do not offer your advice or your opinion unless you are educated in this particular field or unless we ask for your opinion.

* A Cluttered Life ~ All that said -- it’s the hardest job I’ve ever had, but I swear, I cannot imagine doing anything else and I do love every minute with Stephen. Stephen is no burden, he‘s the truest joy God has given me. Being a caregiver is probably the last thing I would have chosen 20+ years ago, because this girl loved her sleep and her “own little world.” I loved decorating and cleaning my home. I always had a decorating project. My home was spotless and free of clutter. To me, the hardest thing of all is not having my house in order.
One of the kindest things anyone has ever done for me was when my sister-in-law came to my house on her off days and helped me clean and organize my bedroom and bathroom. Those two rooms get less attention than any room in the house because no one goes in there except for the husband and me and I have accepted that I just can’t do it all AND be the primary caregiver. Something must go when you’re caring for someone. For me, I had to give up my job, my dream home and cleaning house the way I want to. Even so, it drives me crazy for my house to be in total disarray. My sister-in-law knows how this makes me crazy, so she pressured me to let her help. I was embarrassed at first, but finally gave in because it was either accept her help or continue looking at the chaos first thing every day till I went insane. If you’re a caregiver reading this, accept the help when it’s offered! Offers like this are too far and few between, so accept the help when you can get it! My best friend has always volunteered to help me with whatever I need help with, but I felt like I was taking advantage of her if I accepted her help, then I finally told myself, “she means it. Let her do it, it’ll make her happy as well as make me happy.”

All of the aforementioned especially applies for the holidays. Here it is only a week and a half before Christmas, and we just put our tree up last night. The husband and I finally went to sleep around two o’clock this morning. This year has been more difficult for me because Stephen has been homebound, plus he had to have surgery. I haven’t had a real break since last May. I’m dealing with it just fine, except, my house is in less order than it’s ever been in and it’s very depressing for me. My family wants me to have Christmas here. ::sigh:: I canceled Christmas last year because my house was out of order and this year it’s even worse than it was last year. Whatever … I’m going to tidy it up as best as I can and just trust that my family loves me enough to overlook my imperfections. The only real homemade treat I intend to make is my cheese ball, which my husband and brother look so forward to. Other than that, it’s pre-cooked food all the way. I will probably get the family to go in together on a big party tray or something and buy store-bought sweets. I just don’t care about the details anymore. Jesus is the reason for the season. My home is only a place to celebrate His birth and our salvation with the people I love. I’m letting go of the burden of perfectionism. That’s my Christmas present to myself. Ahhhh, sweet surrender!

Holidays For Primary Caregivers (not so jolly!)

2009-12-11T09:27:00.002-06:00

You missed my once-in-a-blue-moon rant! Yes, two days ago I not only posted an update about Stephen, his surgery and recovery, I also managed to throw in a rant about the health care system and our government. I deleted it after my husband (who NEVER reads my blog) walked by the kitchen table and read it and thought it was “inappropriate“. I don’t see why. It’s not like I was cussing or anything. Next time I pitch a duck fit on my blog, I’ll make sure to close out of blogger. I did save a copy, so if you’re dying to know what I said, let me know and I’ll email it to you. ;-P And to those few who did read it and sent the emails, I want to thank you for your support and encouragement. Okay, moving along. The holidays are here, people! Are you ready? Does your home look like Martha Stewart has been there and decorated it for you? Or are you like me, and your tree and decorations are still in the storage building?

I said I was going to get to this, so here I am with my not-so-thought-out entry about caregivers and the holidays. I have only this to say: Can we skip Christmas this year?

We did skip Christmas last year. We had the Christmas morning thing with Stephen and my parents came by on Christmas Eve to bring his presents, but we skipped our family get together. That’s right. No “Mia’s famous cheese ball” no cakes, pies or fudge. No eggnog, no hot apple cider. Baaah! It was almost as if Ebenezer Scrooge himself lived here (before his transformation). When did I start disliking the holidays so? What used to be my favorite time of year is now something I dread like a root canal or mammogram. No, that isn’t true. I’d rather have a root canal or mammogram.

I think as Stephen has gotten bigger and the care giving has gotten more difficult, I’ve gotten older and more arthritic. Therefore, the part of me that once enjoyed doing those things was shoved aside as real life, as we know it, forced its way in. I want to enjoy the holidays, I just don’t have the strength to get there. Exhaustion is a wicked, wicked little monster. If you are a 24/7 caregiver reading this, you’re nodding your head and shouting, “Amen! Preach it sister!” But what good does it do to preach to the converted? I am a microcosmic representative of the group known as “Primary Caregiver” … I truly, with all my heart hope that non-caregivers are reading this, so I can help you understand how difficult it is for those of us who are caring for a loved one. We want our families and friends to understand that we just don’t have it in us.

I am skipping the whole section I was working on titled, Useful Holiday Hints For Caregivers, because I couldn’t think of anything useful to say, so I‘m going to speak from the heart of a caregiver.

… And I’m going to work on that today! If you have anything you want me to talk about as I “represent” the care-giving community, comment me or email me your thoughts.

Thanks guys!

It Is The Most Wonderful (and stressful) Time Of The Year!

2009-11-27T15:37:00.004-06:00

The holidays! Usually, it begins for me about a week before Thanksgiving and doesn’t go away until sometime after the first of the year. Every year I shout and say, “I will not do this next year!” Every year, I stress worse than the year before. But this year, I mean it!

We all have limits. For me, it’s come down to a matter of priorities. The following is my priority list:

1. Stephen
2. Stephen
3. Stephen
4. Stephen
5. Stephen
On and on, etc.

Get the picture?

Believe me, I am not complaining. Next to Jesus Christ, my husband and son are of most importance to me, but I’ve become aware that my priorities needed realigning in a most serious way. I realized that I was still trying to keep up with who I was twenty years ago, keeping the same holiday traditions and ideals. Only, my life has dramatically changed since then.

The reality of my life has recently made itself known to me like a roaring lion in my face. The realization came to me this week, the week of Thanksgiving, that first and foremost, I am the primary caregiver of a precious person with multiple disabilities. I’m not really sure when my life shifted from parenting into the role of parent AND caregiver. It was a slow and subtle process. That’s a good thing, because if it had been overnight instead of gradual, it would have knocked me off my feet. I personally know a few parents whose parental roles were quickly shifted into nurse/caregiver overnight due to a child being in a serious accident or a sudden illness and I’ve seen the effect of that shock. God Bless those precious families. I understand that I have so much to be grateful for.

If you are the parent of a child with special needs or if you are the caregiver of an aging parent or spouse, and if like me, you expect more of yourself than humanly possible, I am about to tell you something that you probably need to hear:

Let go of perfectionism!
It’s okay to lower your standards of what a clean house should be. It’s okay to order a pre-cooked holiday meal! It’s okay to accept help. It’s okay to delegate, and last but not least, it’s OKAY to say NO!

I’ve had a total of two weeks and two days of respite since last May. You all know that we had to take Stephen out of school because of the swine flu outbreak. Also, he is scheduled for oral surgery on December 3rd and to be perfectly honest, I’m more concerned about Stephen and his health than whether or not my pumpkin pies turn out just right. It is a wonderful feeling to finally release myself of that petty responsibility so I can focus on caring for the most precious gift on earth God has given me. I think in my case it had to take pure exhaustion to finally admit that I can’t do it all. Please don’t let that be the case for you!

If you are reading this and have a small child with special needs, take it from the parent of a teenager with special needs -- you will need your strength, health and sanity as your child grows into adulthood. Take whatever steps necessary for your family. In order to put your child first, you will have to let some things go. And it’s okay to do that!

* My plan for my next entry will be to list a few examples of how you can cut back on your holiday stress so you and your family can still enjoy your traditions.
* Another soon-to-be entry will be a message for family and friends of caregivers. I will give you a few hints of ways you can help the caregivers you know, as well as a list of things you should not do -- especially around the holidays.
* I am also thinking of making a list of things you should and shouldn’t say to the caregivers you know. It would be nice to hear from other parents/caregivers before doing this. I have a feeling we all have something to add to that one.

Now, let the holidays begin! I’ve got a new attitude!

Hello Friends!

2009-11-12T09:31:00.004-06:00

Just a quick note to say we're doing okay. Things have been so chaotic for us this fall!

* I mentioned before that Stephen's doctor recommended we avoid crowds until the swine flu outbreak is under control, or until we have Stephen vaccinated. Hmmm ... I have a lot of research and praying to do before we vaccinate. We all three got the seasonal flu vaccination as always and did fine. With Stephen's heart and lung history, we need to avoid any possibility of pneumonia.
As a result of this, he is receiving home bound services through the school. His teacher is coming to our house twice a week to work with him. He and his teacher have never met before this year, so this has been a great way for them to bond before he is released to go back to school.

* We are getting all of our ducks in a row for Stephen to have oral surgery. Ugh! I had no idea how many doctors we were going to have to go through to get this done. His cardiologist, neurologist and even the geneticist have all got to send their most recent notes to the anesthesiologist. I am thankful they are taking all of the necessary precautions and taking his history into consideration before the surgery. This will be done in an operating room setting at the same hospital he was born in. We haven't been there in a long time, and have some very emotional memories at that place. I'm a nervous wreck because there are always risks involved with anesthesia. His lung function is good though, and we've been keeping him well, so that's a good thing. He is having all four wisdom teeth extracted and two other teeth that have teeth coming in under them. Dear me, the child has perfect teeth -- never a problem with them, except, he has too many of them ... Poor baby. :(

If he has the surgery before Thanksgiving, looks like he'll probably be eating puréed turkey. I'm hoping we can schedule it for right after Thanksgiving so he'll be healed up well enough by Christmas.

We appreciate everyone keeping him (and us!) in your prayers! I'll keep you posted.

Easy Donuts!

2009-10-15T13:24:00.002-05:00

Stephen and I made these easy donuts this morning.

A Recipe Has Been Added

2009-10-10T14:59:00.003-05:00

A new recipe has been added to A Taste Of Gratitude.

Crock Pot Chicken And Vegetables

For My Local Friends!

2009-10-07T17:19:00.010-05:00

OK, How do I size this youtube thing down to fit my blog?

Anyway ... this is an important post for my local peeps:

Hey guys, be sure to check this out! Nadia said tickets are going fast, so you if you're interested, you might want to hurry.
Thanks for letting me use your link, Nadia!

I attended a 6 week class last spring on spiritual warfare and I will never be the same again.
That's worth repeating: I WILL NEVER BE THE SAME AGAIN!

You can purchase tickets HERE

A Taste Of Gratitude

2009-10-05T16:24:00.006-05:00

What do you do when you blog so much about your family, your life, food, special needs parenting, etc? I hate just throwing everything into one big blog package. But it sure is easier, considering I am so ADD. I have over six years worth of ... a crazy, mixed up life right here on this blog. Not all of it is something I'd care to see in print though. But I'm certainly not willing to part with it. ::sigh::

So, here's what I want to do: I want to blog a whole collection of recipes and stories in (hopefully) a more organized manner than I've done here -- then someday when I've collected enough of them, I want to print them all out and have a book that Stephen and I can share for years and years to come. Almost like reading back over an old diary, of which I still do from time to time. Have I mentioned that I've kept a diary/journal since I was ten years old? Have I mentioned how important writing and photography is to me? They say a picture is worth a thousand words and if I could just have a story to go with each picture ... well, I'd have a book.

Can you imagine how cool it would be to have written stories to go along with your childhood photos? I am finding the older I get, the more I miss my grandparents and the more I struggle in trying to remember all I can about them. My grandmother's recipes and stories. My grandfather's history. I lost my paternal grandfather when I was four. That following summer is the time I started spending more and more time with my grandmother. She was lonely and had so many stories to share. I wish I could remember every single one. I was also very young when my mother's father went home to be with the Lord. I was nine years old. My memories of him are more vivid than my memories of my daddy's father, but I still struggle remembering him.

It will be difficult for Stephen to communicate his memories when he is older and more mature. I think it would be nice for him to have a place to store memories of his family. Something better than a photo album.

I digress (as usual) --- I want our friends and family to participate with me! Feel free to add comments to our new blog just like you do here for Stephen and his family to have, always! Be sure to bookmark us. I will have a separate blog that is just more of a spiritual journey for me. I've had it for about a year but haven't shared it yet. I haven't been able to tend to it as much as I want.

As for Daily Gratitudes And Attitudes. It's all staying here, and it's staying the same. I will just have a couple of additions. When I update them, I'll add a link on this blog.

Stephen and I have added a new recipe in our new blog, linked below!

Visit us at A Taste Of Gratitude

Breakfast With Stephen

2009-09-11T16:19:00.012-05:00

When was the last time I posted a Stephen update? Hmm, been quite a while, huh? So, let’s do that today.

And, what could be better than a Stephen update?
Breakfast with Stephen, of course …

Stephen’s favorite meal of the day is breakfast. That child loves bacon. I believe the boy could eat an entire slab of bacon all by himself. I try to limit our bacon and egg breakfast to Sundays only, because of the whole high cholesterol thing you know, but today we splurged.

This is Stephen’s 2nd week in a row of being absent from school.
If you know anything about his history, you know that he is more medically fragile than the average child, meaning, if he catches the swine flu or any other kind of flu, he’s probably going to be very, very sick. A few friends and neighbors whose children attend the same school as Stephen has told me that the swine flu is running wild there, so to be on the safest side possible, we're keeping him home from school and avoiding crowds.

Poor child is so bored because he loves school and misses his friends, and that’s why I couldn’t tell the sweet boy, 'No' when I asked him what he wanted for breakfast and he went straight to the bacon when I opened the refrigerator. Smart lil booger. He may be nonverbal, but he knows what he wants and gets his point across!

Normally, when I make a frittata for myself, I throw everything in: Bacon, eggs, cheese, veggies, you name it. Stephen doesn’t like his that way. As I mentioned, he loves his bacon, so I have to put that on the side of his dish. He also loves papaws homegrown grape tomatoes and prefers those on the side. Below is how we made Stephen’s breakfast frittata and a few photos. Proof that even though he tries to act otherwise at school, he can use a fork. You just have to serve something he loves as much as bacon and eggs to motivate him, ha!

Incase you’ve never made frittata, this is how I make mine:

Ingredients:

* Eggs
* Milk
* Chopped peppers from my daddy’s garden ;)
* Grape tomatoes from my daddy’s garden (I slice them in half)
* Onions, sliced
~ Sometimes I also use fresh asparagus or broccoli, which is out of this world with this recipe. Spinach is also good.
* Bacon, sausage, ham, whatever meat you like, or none at all. Whatever you prefer, but I recommend you cook it first. I’m sure you know that … I’m just sayin’.
* Grated cheese
* Salt and Pepper
* A skillet
* Butter and Olive oil (I use equal amounts. The olive oil makes me feel less guilty for using butter)

Directions:

* Like I was saying above - if you’re adding meat of any kind, cook it.

*Add the oil and butter to the skillet and sauté the onion and peppers till they’re as tender as you like them. Add the other vegetables of your choice and turn heat down. Cook until the vegetables are as tender as you like them.
*Meanwhile, beat your eggs and milk together. I add the seasoning to my eggs. Salt, pepper, whatever you like.

*After this, add your meat, if any, to the vegetables and pour the beaten eggs all over your sautéed vegetables.

*Make sure your heat is turned down so your eggs won’t brown too much on the bottom and let them cook uncovered for a few minutes, then cover with a lid and turn heat to low and cook until the eggs are almost set but still jiggles a little on top (very little).

* Turn on the broiler; add grated cheese to top of the eggs and cook under the broiler until the cheese melts and the sides are slightly curled up and crispy.
And that’s just how we like it.

As you can see, Stephen was a very, very happy boy to have a Sunday breakfast on a weekday.

See what I mean about the edge being crispy and curling up a bit?

(proof he can use a fork)

Now, you tell me -- Have you ever seen a happier boy or a more beautiful smile?

Fresh Garden Vegetables And Rice (a summer recipe)

2009-08-29T13:25:00.008-05:00

My dinner menu usually goes something like this: I decide what I’m going to prepare for dinner and then right smack in the middle of dinner preparation, I realize I’m out of a main ingredient. Then, to make matters worse, half the time I forget to take the meat out of the freezer in the morning. (See my about me section and you’ll notice I am ADD - now the aforementioned makes perfect sense.) This recipe was something I tried earlier in the summer when I was planning on grilled chicken salad, only to find out I was out of lettuce for the salad. I rambled through my pantry for plan B and saw a bag of brown rice, which my husband loves, and honestly, like all the times before, a recipe popped in my mind. I wondered if I could be fortunate enough to have some fresh green beans in the fridge. Yes, I did! This is what I whipped up to go with our grilled chicken. The two men of the house fell in love with it and I make it often now. I am fortunate that my daddy’s grape tomatoes and peppers did quite well this summer.

Fresh Garden Veggies With Rice

* Cooked brown rice (remember brown rice takes longer to cook than white rice!)
* Steamed whole green beans

For the roasted vegetables:
* Grape tomatoes (in this photo, I used red and yellow tomatoes)
* Onion slices (I prefer red onions for this)
* Chopped garlic
* Sliced bell pepper (I used yellow)
* Fresh rosemary
* Olive oil
* Kosher salt
* Ground black pepper

Toss all veggies together with olive oil and bake on a cookie sheet in a 350 degree oven for about 15-20 minutes, till vegetables are as tender as you like them.
Serve over rice. Top with steamed green beans.

You can use variant types of vegetables for this. Like I said, I’m always out of something and I enjoy trying different things with this recipe.

------------------------------

By the way - Yes, I am aware this is not the entry I promised for my next entry. I'm working on it and will probably add it to my spiritual walk journal, which I will have to link at a later time.

Seventeen

2009-08-14T12:34:00.006-05:00

That’s how many years we have been married, as of today.
August 14th 1992 - two lives became one …

“The Joy Of The Lord Is My Strength,” said the loud voice on my clock radio this morning. I keep my alarm set with the radio option instead of the annoying buzz option, because, waking up at 5:30 in the morning after going to sleep at 1:00 in the morning is annoying enough, if you ask me. I like to keep my radio programmed to our local Christian station because I enjoy spiritually uplifting radio talk shows and music. When your spirit is hungry for more than this world has to offer, there is nothing like waking up first thing in the morning and taking in the nourishment of God’s word.

Usually the alarm goes off in the middle of a song or radio host conversation, and usually, I hit the snooze button. But this morning was different. I was literally startled out of a sound sleep by the loud words, “The Joy Of The Lord Is My Strength!” followed by a long pause, then, about a five minute conversation between the two radio hosts on the subject of finding your joy and strength in the Lord. My eyes suddenly filled with tears. Tears of joy - for this was a valuable reminder to my worried little soul. I went to bed last night with a heavy heart. So heavy, I didn’t even remember that today was our anniversary. A little recent history: The last year has been a very trying time for us. The husband’s business has been feeling the pinch in the economy. No, that’s an understatement. The uncertain economy has been choking us. We’ve been stressing over matters that we haven’t stressed over in a long time. Plus, some of you know that yesterday was Stephen’s first day of high school ... High School!!! We walked him to his classroom, told him we'd see him in a few hours and watched him walk away hand in hand with a new classroom aide he'd never met before. There we stood, and all we could do was trust that all was going to be okay. So much stress!
Stress has a way of robbing us of our joy -- If we let it.

Joy. Real, genuine joy. We all long for it. Few of us find it. Why is that? Maybe it’s because we are searching for joy in all the wrong places. Some of us seek joy through outside influences. Such as our careers, our bank accounts, material possessions, or, sometimes, in other people and our relationships with them. At least, that’s my story. I was a hopeless romantic all my life. From a young age, I expected my love life to be one big Jane Austen novel. One filled with drama, but a happy ending. Well, I got the drama I was expecting. Or, should I say … I brought on the drama? Yeah, most definitely, that’s what I should say. Happy ending? Well, it hasn’t ended yet, but so far, the ending is looking pretty good. Because I found Mr. Right? Uh, no. Because I finally found joy. After an overabundance of self-inflicted pain and unreal expectations, searching for happiness outside of myself, I finally looked within and allowed God to awaken my spirit and fill me with real, genuine joy only He can give. And the good news is, it’s true, what the bible says In Matthew 6:33, “But seek first his kingdom and his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well.” My “love life” is happily-content, finally. Not because “my husband” makes me happy per se, but because God is working in each of us, changing us into His ideal plan for marriage. We’re not there yet, but with His help, we’re becoming what I hoped for and talked about in this entry here - five years ago.

Over the last few months, I've felt led to start writing my testimony, and the truth is, I've been resisting because I don't feel comfortable yet. At the risk of being totally vulnerable, I will tell you more.

… In my next entry.

Homesick (Missing Grandma)

2009-05-13T23:23:00.009-05:00

Have you ever awoken with a certain person on your mind so strong you cannot stop thinking about them? That is what happened to me on Monday morning. I woke up with my paternal grandmother on my mind. I could close my eyes and see her sweet angelic face. As I washed the breakfast dishes and wiped down the counters, I found myself humming the tune, “How Great Thou Art” just as she used to do when I was a little girl sitting at her kitchen table.
I loved her voice. She had a high-pitched tone with a beautiful (and very proper) southern accent. The best way to describe her voice is, she sounded very much like Aunt Bea Taylor (if you watch The Andy Griffith Show, you know the voice).

Grandma always stayed busy in her little kitchen and that‘s where we spent most of our time. After grandpa passed away, an average day for me as a little girl was to visit grandma and have tea with her while she told me stories of her childhood. Grandma was a positive role model for me. In the twenty years I knew her, I never heard her speak against anyone, never heard her gossip, never saw her lose her temper, and never-ever did a “bad” word escape her lips. “Fiddle Sticks!” was her famous expression of anger or disappointment when the rare occasion called for it. As I grew into my teenage years, I often wondered how anyone could be at such peace in a world like this. I suppose I just assumed that no one had ever wronged grandma before. Why on earth would they? Years after she went home to be with the Lord, I learned otherwise. I learned that grandma had been treated very unfairly -- and that‘s putting it mildly. My parents told me all about it. I couldn’t understand why grandma didn’t share any of this with me. This was huge! I asked mama and daddy how grandma reacted - what did she say or do to the other person involved and their answer was not very surprising, considering it was grandma. She prayed for them.

Grandma was a woman of deep faith. She couldn’t talk about salvation or Heaven without getting tears in her eyes. Many times she told me, “This is all temporary - Heaven is my home. Oh, what a day that will be - when I see my Lord and Savior and thank Him face to face for all He’s done for me! I’ll see my loved ones again! And, if you follow my advice, you’ll be there with me some day when your time comes.” What an awesome legacy! I heard her pray often for her neighbors and friends. Most of them were unaware of her prayers. Nevertheless, the good Lord heard them … and so did I.

I asked mama yesterday, “wasn’t it about this time of year when grandma Willis went home to be with the Lord?” (that’s what grandma always called it when someone passed away)
Mama answered, “Yeah, it was May 14th”

Now I understand why I couldn’t stop thinking of her. The date must be in my subconscious. I was yearning to see grandma again. I know that someday I will. It’s been twenty three years … and I still miss her terribly.

Ironically, I lost each of my grandparents in the spring of the year.
Ironically, Springtime is the time of new beginnings.

Marie Willis ~+~ 1900-1986
---------------------------------------------------------------

Homesick
By: Mercy Me

You're in a better place, I've heard a thousand times
And at least a thousand times I've rejoiced for you
But the reason why I'm broken, the reason why I cry
Is -- how long must I wait to be with you

I close my eyes and I see your face
If home's where my heart is then I'm out of place
Lord, won't you give me strength to make it through somehow
I've never been more homesick than now

Help me Lord cause I don't understand your ways
The reason why I wonder if I'll ever know
But, even if you showed me, the hurt would be the same
Cause I'm still here so far away from home

I close my eyes and I see your face
If home's where my heart is then I'm out of place
Lord, won't you give me strength to make it through somehow
I've never been more homesick than now

In Christ, there are no goodbyes
And in Christ, there is no end
So I'll hold onto Jesus with all that I have
To see you again
To see you again

And I close my eyes and I see your face
If home's where my heart is then I'm out of place
Lord, won't you give me strength to make it through somehow
Won't you give me strength to make it through somehow
Won't you give me strength to make it through somehow

I've never been more homesick than now

As Promised (a day late)

2009-04-28T13:25:00.004-05:00

Leave It To A Southerner To Totally Ruin The Nutritional Value Of An Apple

I was talking to one of my parent’s neighbors this morning about her wonderful fried apple pies I grew up loving so much. One of my favorite childhood memories is the heavenly scent of Mrs. C’s fried apple pies making its way two doors down to our house on a breezy day. Being the foodie I am and always have been, I never failed to come up with a clever excuse to go for a visit when my nose became aware it was “fried apple pie day” at Mrs. C’s house. Which wasn’t hard to do, seeing how her daughter was (and still is) one of my best friends.
Mrs. C said she made Paula Deen’s apple fritters recipe one day last week and knew I’d love them as much as I love fried apple pies. Bless her little heart - she was so right. Here’s the recipe:

Apple Fritters
Recipe by Paula Deen, 2008
Prep Time:10 min
Cook Time: 8 min
Serves: about 20 fritters

Ingredients
2 tablespoons oil (or as much as it takes to cover the bottom of your skillet)
1 egg, beaten
1/2 cup milk
2 teaspoons sugar
1 teaspoon ground cinnamon
1 cup sour cream
1 cup self-rising flour
3 apples peeled, cored and sliced horizontally, about 1/4-inch thick
Powdered sugar, optional
Note: although the recipe doesn’t call for it, I took it upon myself to add some vanilla flavoring to the batter. Granny Smith apples are very tart in this recipe; use a sweeter apple if you dislike the tart ones.
Directions
Heat 2 tablespoons oil to 375 degrees F.
Combine in a bowl the beaten egg, milk, sugar, cinnamon and sour cream. Mix well and add flour.
Dip apples in batter and carefully place in oil. Cook for 1 to 2 minutes. Turn and cook 1 to 2 minutes more. Remove fritters and drain. Maybe sprinkle with powdered sugar, if desired. Serve warm.

Two hours later, not even a measly crumb remains, but the scent of battered apples fried in a cast iron skillet is still lingering in the air. Stephen is most certainly his mother’s son. What I didn’t eat, he finished off with a glass of milk as soon as he got off the bus today. These are the simple things I want to remember and cling to -- which is why I journal such occasions. Yes, to share a recipe with my fellow foodies, but also to share a moment and a memory.

I hope those of you who decide to try this recipe will enjoy them as much as Stephen and I have today.

HEY this is a good sign!

2009-04-27T21:04:00.003-05:00

I took the Christmas decorations down from my blog!

... And it's only April!

I'm really getting a handle on this procrastination thing! Don't you think?

Seriously, friends ... I have a new blog entry ready to add (and it involves food!) but at this very moment, I am busy with Stephen so I'll get to it soon.

See y'all soon!

Yes, we're here ...

2009-04-15T09:20:00.002-05:00

Hey guys. I apologize for the blogging hiatus. Life has been ... demanding. I'm not complaining, only stating the facts.

Some of you already know that I have been hanging out on Facebook a lot these days. If you do facebook, would you hit me up over there? My user name is Mia Renee and I am in the Birmingham, AL network. What I love about facebook is, I can do a 5 second status entry to stay in touch. That's perfect for someone with adult ADD such as myself.

Trust me, I'm NOT leaving blogger. I do have a few new ideas rolling around in my ever-so-busy mind and two other blogs in the works. One is totally about my spiritual walk and spiritual growth. The other blog is going to be about my photography. I'm sad that the move from AOL journals lost most of our photos from our old entries. I downloaded them, so they're in safe keeping but do you honestly think I'm willing to upload each photo entry I made for more than five years to match each blog? Hah, you know me too well to make that assumption, don't you?

Stephen is home sick this week. He's been sick since last Thursday and you know him, he doesn't bounce back like the average child would. He's on the mend though. And once he's back in school, I "might" make time to take these Christmas decorations down from my blog. (LOL)

thanks for the comments and emails to check on us. I will return ASAP!

Y'all take care!

Just So You Know ...

2009-01-09T15:50:00.002-06:00

Hey guys, I wanted to let you know that I will be busy until the end of this month. I will be online here and there but not as much as usual. I will be checking my email. At least once or twice a day instead of the usual one or two hundred times a day. OK, that's stretching the truth a bit.

Anyway, I just didn't want y'all to worry if you didn't see me around. Um, you were getting worried, right? (Lie if you must, I'm feeling insecure these days);P

Be back soon!

Y'all take care -

To Lighten Things Up In Here A Bit ...

2008-12-31T13:44:00.003-06:00

Do any of you make New Year's Resolutions? I’ve decided since I keep setting myself up to fail anyway, I'm going to make it easy on myself this time.

In 2009:

~ I will worry and fret too much. Especially over the things I cannot control, making it impossible to get enough sleep.
~ I will be tired and drained before I even start my day.
~ I will make it my goal to overeat. Certain “times of the month” I’ll do just about anything for a supreme hand-tossed pizza with extra cheese. If I can meet this goal, my butt will get even bigger than it is now but my bust size will stay exactly the same or get even smaller.
~ I will NOT work out to get in shape.
~ I will be slothful and spend too much time on the Internet when I should be doing other things.
~ I will fail to keep my house in perfect order.
~ I will get very upset once a month and take it out on my poor, unfortunate, unsuspecting husband when he has done absolutely nothing to deserve it. Then, I will make it up to him by being super-sweet for a couple of weeks before it happens again just to keep him totally confused and on his toes. :)

Just wondering … Does reverse psychology work when you are trying it on yourself?

Bitter-Sweet Sixteen

2008-12-30T15:56:00.002-06:00

12/26/1992

12/26/2008
Happy 16th - You've come a looooong way baby! We love you!

This birthday was a bittersweet milestone.

I'd be lying if I said it didn't just about kill me when I reached for the "Cars" paper plates and napkins for Stephen's birthday party. Right there in the middle of Walmart, it hit me like a ton of bricks and it was all I could do to keep it together.

You never know when or how hard reality is going to hit you. But you don't want it to be in the middle of Walmart. So I took a deep breath, bit my bottom lip and tried not to think about it. Like Scarlet O hara, “I'll worry about that tomorrow. After all, tomorrow IS another day.”

The vision quickly appeared in my mind of how Stephen's sixteenth birthday "should" have been. We should be buying him a "real" car and he should be getting his drivers license.

But, it just wasn't to be.

---------------------------------------------------------

If you think the above journal entry is bad, you should have read the one I wrote for my private diary.

I'm better today. My sixteen year old is laying here beside me, watching movies, and I feel more blessed than I deserve. The other day, I was seeing the glass half empty. I am partially blaming PMS for that. Today, I am seeing the glass half full.

No. It is over flowing!

As a side-note: I apologize for not having a better birthday photo. This was the best one of the three of us. Believe it or not, the others were even worse. It’s been Christmas/Birthday Palooza around here and we were all feeling it by the time this photo was taken. But, even so, would it have killed me to apply a little makeup and do something with my stringy hair? Sorry guys, you get a glimpse of the “natural” me. Darn men never need to primp. It isn’t fair …

Anyway-

Wishing all of you a Happy & Blessed New Year!

Why Our Tree Looks Like Crap ...

2008-12-23T08:53:00.004-06:00

Don't let Lucy's cuteness fool you. She was trying to "blend" so she can do this:

I took a picture right after I decorated it because I knew in my heart it would never look like this again. I was right.
Glenda, if you're reading this, yesterday, Lucy and Stephen played kickball with one of the ornaments you gave me. The 2005 ornament. Which, by the way, was my favorite one. When I realized the cat and the boy were going to do this (Lucy starts it!), I figured I better get my glass ornaments off of the tree. I missed this one. But Lucy found it. :( My dearest friend Glenda buys me a beautiful ornament every year. Maybe ... starting next year, you might want to get me an ugly plastic one. Lucy hasn't touched any of my ugly ones. ... Darn cat!

I will update again, soon. But it may be after Christmas. I have to get started in the kitchen today and won't come out till ... whenever.
I wish each of you a Merry Christmas and a blessed holiday season!

Spirit Of Christmas Past ...

2008-12-16T12:21:00.003-06:00

Christmas 1993

A Warning About Craigslist Scammers ...

2008-12-03T08:58:00.012-06:00

First of all, let me start by saying we have these items for sale on Craigslist.com. I’ll share the photos with you here so you won’t have to click over.

Custom Made Standing Floor Mirror.
Shape: Rectangle Size: 66 inch length by 22 inch width

Material: Steel frame and stand. Beveled glass mirror.

And the granite top table, which I have already told you all about:

These are all custom designed and hand-made by my husband; He isfinishing up a design for a kitchen rack for pots and pans right now and I'll show you that when he is finished.

I quickly caught on to add the following to the ad:

Local buyers only. Cash only. NO "OVERNIGHT CASHIERS" CHECKS!!!

But it doesn’t matter. Duplicitous scammers still manage to send emails such as this:

Hello How are you doing.....i would like to know if this item is stillfor sales if yes please get back to me ASAP....here is my phone number!503-665-3195....please email me your phone number! Thanks (I googled their number and found out they are scammers, just as we suspected.)

Also, this is a popular email we’ve received (This one is my favorite):

Hello,
Thanks for the swift response, just to let you know that am okaywith the condition and price of the item, am ready for its purchaseand my form of payment will be by sending you Check via UPS next daydelivery................
I'll be responsible for the pick-up and the pick up money will beincluded in your payment to avoid delay and to enable pick up companyto schedule an appropriate time for the pick-up at your location aftercheck has been cashed,as i have otherproperties to be moved alongsidewith yours.
I would have really love to come for the viewing but due to my workframe that might not be possible,but if you have the pics,might wantto have a good look. Please do get back to me with your full name andaddress including your cell and land number so i can make out payment............
Regards.

Um, yeah. Right. Hey, I know! Why don’t I just give you turn-by-turn directions to my home so you can just come on over and use the key to get in and take whatever you want? I’ll leave the key under the mat for your convenience. --- I was born at night, but it wasn’t last night.

We’ve been trying to sell my husband’s custom made metal furniture designs on Craig’s list since September and we’ve never gotten an honest inquiry. Honest buyers are out there. I know this because we have bought items on Craig’s list before and we are honest people. However, just because we’re honest, doesn’t mean we’re gullible. It bothers me when I read reports on the internet of people who have fallen victim to these scammers and apparently, none of them have gotten in trouble because they are using fake names and can‘t be located.

Our items are located at my husbands fabrication shop in the middle of the industrial park which has an eight foot fence topped with barbed wire around it, and it is patrolled by the local police department at night. I’d never give strangers directions to my home or my personal information.

From what I understand, these scum-suckers send you a check far beyond the amount you asked for, then tell you to cash it and wire them the difference and tell you to keep $100 for your trouble. The mover never shows up and two weeks later, your bank informs you the check was a fake and you owe the bank the full amount of that check and whatever fees incurred as a result of your gullibility. And the icing on the cake is, they have all of your personal information of which they could use to do their next scam. Well, how simply delightful!

I’m not going to continue with Craig’s List. I think it’s fine if you’re selling something under $100 but the higher your asking price, the more response you’ll receive from scammers. Serious buyers on Craig’s list are looking for low prices. I got two Kennedy Rockers for $30 a few months ago! Cool, huh?

I don't really want to go with E-Bay either. So I'm not sure at this point what to do. I'll keep y'all posted and if you have any experience with this sort of thing, please let me know.

Darn, darn, darn!

2008-12-01T12:07:00.002-06:00

So it appears I lost my music list when I redecorated for Christmas. :( And, now I can't remember how on earth I even posted the doggone thing. Anyone want to give me a brief tutorial that even "I" could understand so I can add it back?

Totally off the subject, but don't you just love my new profile pic of Stephen and Santa? This was taken last year when we had breakfast with Santa at the mall. And we're doing that again next week! I'll blog about all that later.

Again, I'd appreciate it if someone can tell me how to add that music again. =)

Thanks!

Two Blogs In One ...

2008-12-01T10:21:00.000-06:00

Thanksgiving Dinner

I hope you all had a nice Thanksgiving. Ours was nice and laid back. I enjoyed not having to cook -- and missed cooking at the same time.

My mama wasn't feeling well at all. Making the banana pudding took too much out of her, bless her little heart. Not only did she feel bad, physically, she was also very depressed because she was unable to stand at the stove and make her famous pies like she used to do in times past. Mama did manage to give me a compliment, which made my day. As we sat down and sampled everything on our plates, mama said, "Well, baby doll, I can say one thing; Their dressing is good but your dressing is much better." Aw, how nice of her to say that. I think she's getting soft on me. I must tell you, as much as that compliment meant to me, I tensed up and avoided eye contact with the husband because, as I stated in my previous post, he has made his feelings abundantly clear about our "food critic behavior."

Mama and daddy left right after eating so mama could go home and take a long nap and I didn't even hear from them until the next morning.

----------------------------------

Oh, NO he Didn't!

After my parents left, the husband and I cleared the dishes and had the following conversation:

Husband: I have a confession ...

Me: Yeah? ... What is it?

Husband: I didn't like the turkey done that way and your dressing is way better.

Me: ??? - Really, sweetie? I'll make the turkey and dressing just the way you like it for Christmas, Okay?

Husband: Yeah, that'd be great; I can't wait till Christmas! ::Big smile:: (followed with giving me tender kiss and cozy hug)

Yes, I had to bite my lip when the urge washed all over me to come back with something like, "What? You're a food critic now?" But, if I had done that, it would have kept the fuss going, don't you think? No doubt, I would have missed out on that hug and kiss, too. Plus, the husband set a very good example for me by not saying all of this during dinner. I'm beginning to see where he's coming from.
-- Well, not really. That's a lie. I honestly don’t understand how he feels. But, I'll be a good girl and respect how he feels and try really, really hard to keep my hypercritical comments to myself while we're eating dinner out (wish me lots of luck with that). I’ll even say I appreciate my dear husband for pointing that out. After all, the main reason we started having a date night on Fridays in the first place was to help mend our relationship and I'm not exactly helping by doing something I know irritates the daylights out of him. And, I wouldn’t have known how much that bothers him if he hadn’t told me.

Communication and Respect. Those words are critical in a marriage. I only wish we had done more communicating and respecting in our earlier years. We could have saved ourselves a lot of pain and trouble.
-----------------------

I am slowly making my rounds and visiting all of my favorite blogs. Stephen is back in school today after being home since last Wednesday. I am way behind on laundry and have to pay bills today AND I have to cook a real meal for the first time since last week.

Y'all take care!

Confessions Of A Food Snob …

2008-11-26T21:54:00.000-06:00

Husband: Listen, when we get to the restaurant, please don’t start with the food critic stuff, Okay?
Me: What do you mean?
Husband: You know what I mean. Don’t say things like, “Ew, this came out of a can. This is too dry. This gravy came out of a package and they added water to it; how easy was that? This salad is prepackaged and it tastes funny. Gross; taste! - This salad dressing came out of a bottle. I believe this was pre prepared and frozen then shipped here.” THAT is what I mean.
Me: Oh, yeah … I'm sorry. I can’t help it. I’m just calling them on it. So, I’m a little picky. What’s so wrong with that?
Husband: You ruin it for me, that’s what is wrong with it. There I am, eating my dinner, minding my own business -- you sit there across from me and nine times out of ten, you start with the food critic stuff. It just ruins it for me.
Me: Okay. Fine. I don’t care how horrible it is, I won’t say a word.
Husband: So, where do you want to eat?
Me: You’re kidding, right?

A typical conversation between the husband and me on our way to dinner. I confess, I’m a little bit of a food snob. I believe it’s one of those learned behaviors I picked up along the way. My family, both sides, were in the restaurant business some way or another. My father’s family owned and operated the very first café in our town. My daddy used to have to chop the firewood for their barbeque pit when he was a little boy. I am a proud owner of one of the original tables in the café. They closed it down in the mid forties and my dad‘s family remodeled the café and lived there. My grandmother lived there until 1979 when she moved in next door to us. Wow, she had an awesome kitchen! My mother worked in a pastry shop for a while until I was born. She was the famous pie lady. She is best known for her chocolate pie - of which I have the recipe. My mama’s mother was a great cook. Her sisters, my cousins, as far as I know, all good cooks. Anyway, where were we? Oh, yeah, food! Like I was saying, I come from a long line of cooks. I’m not very good at many things but I take pride in my cooking skills. Thanksgiving is a favorite for us.

Here it is Thanksgiving eve. And, why am I blogging when I should be cooking? Because it’s already all done. All except for my pumpkin pies and mama’s banana pudding. Yes, the turkey is cooked and cut off the bone. The dressing and giblet gravy is made. All of the side dishes are nestled beside the turkey and dressing in my refrigerator. I didn’t lift one finger on this dinner. No, not one! My mom’s health just isn’t permitting her to go through the labor she so much enjoys in the kitchen. By the way, we knew this last year, too. My parents, bless their little hearts, didn’t want to burden me with the whole meal so we ordered the entire meal (minus the desserts which we did in our own kitchens) from a local supermarket. Guess what? It was horrible. The turkey was dry and tough. The dressing was dry AND it came out of a box and all the veggies were canned. (Imagine my husband’s delight with that dinner conversation, bless his heart.) Mama looked like she was going to cry upon discovering this so I whipped up a pone (that’s what we call it down here) of cornbread, sautéed some celery with onions and made some dressing using canned chicken broth. All in all, we managed to salvage our dinner last year but vowed that we’d never order our Thanksgiving dinner again.

Never say never, right? The picture you’re looking at up there is our Thanksgiving feast ordered from Bevelle Family Café. If you’re local and if you haven’t tried this southern comfort treat, I highly recommend it if you love true southern comfort/soul food. They're located smack in the middle of a BP Station. I kid you not! My family is the pickiest and we put it right up there with … ours.

PS - Thanks Glenda, for the tip. ;-)

Hope you all have a happy and safe Thanksgiving!

Give Me Time ...

2008-11-14T16:32:00.000-06:00

I'm over the migraine but now I can't find my reading glasses! I will be around to visit with all of you just as soon as I find the doggone things. Darn, I just know I'm missing out on some good blog reading!

Y'all take care!

Just a Quick Update ...

2008-11-07T10:50:00.000-06:00

I had hoped to post a better update than this. I wanted to write a cute story to go along with the Candy Lane Express photos (Stephen's Halloween) but I woke up today with a migraine on the way. I get one every month now and tylenol and advil do nothing for it. I'm just not in a cute story mood today. I'm going to post the photos, take a hot shower and go to bed till the bus brings Stephen home.

Hope you all have a great weekend! I think I'm pretty much caught up with everyone's blog ... If I missed yours, I'll be by just as soon as I'm feeling better. Cause, I just hate to miss out on what is going on.

My SIL and my brother were Mr and Mrs Whoopie Cushion last week as our church hosted the "Candy Land Express" - Over a thousand (yes, that many) children showed up to play games, hear uplifting music, and go trunk or treating for candy. Stephen had a great time but he kept his distance from his aunt and uncle while they were in costume. Costumes, he was OK with but he wasn't sure about all of the masks. His dad and I just went as two drained parents. ;-)

Happy Halloween! ~ Once Upon A Midnight Dreary ...

2008-10-31T10:38:00.000-05:00

I love the poetry of Edgar Allan Poe. The Raven is my favorite. I read that Poe was paid less than $10 for The Raven which was published somewhere around 1845. Poe lived a troubled life and endured many losses in his forty years on earth. I imagine that's what drove the gifted literate-artist to drink as he did. ... It certainly shows in his words.

The only thing that could make The Raven better is, Vincent Price reciting it. Right? And guess what I found on youtube? If you're a Vincent Price fan AND an E. A. Poe fan, you'll love this combo.

So it's no secret by now that I'm a Vincent Price fan. Well, back in the day I was also a huge Michael Jackson fan. The Thriller has to be my all time favorite music video. I was 16 years old when this hit M-TV. Here it is in it's full version! The embedding was disabled so you'll have to click the link. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=AtyJbIOZjS8

I'm about to go and make a ton of pumpkin shaped cookies and gut the pumpkin for the husband to carve when he gets home. Tonight we're going to the church for trunk-or-treat and they are having an indoor festival with activities for the kids. Y'all have a safe and happy Halloween!

take care!

A Stephen Update and … Keeping It Real

2008-10-28T09:55:00.001-05:00

How about a Stephen update? It's been a while since I've really gone into detail other than just posting a photo.

Yesterday, I was being lazy, laying around because my back was bothering me. I guess it goes without saying that Stephen only likes a few pounds being caught up with his mama’s size. Yesterday was one of those days that my back felt strained and I pretty much lived all day in my pajamas and visited a few blogs. I’m behind on housework but feel that I’ve gotten caught up on a lot of my friend’s blogs and even visited a few new ones that I enjoyed and will be returning to.

So let’s get back to Stephen and that photo up there. I’ll be the first to point out that Stephen is not showing off his million dollar smile and the whole thing turned out blurry. Never mind that. The main focus of this picture is the fact that Stephen is feeding himself with a fork. He still needs our help but that’s only with minimal assistance now days. I’d say he’s finally mastered this goal. We’ll work on his Emily Post at a later time. Right now, I’m just thrilled beyond measure that he’s able to grip the fork, stab at his food and eventually get it in his mouth. It’s hard for him but he’s getting there. Let me tell you, it’s hard for me as his mother to not do it for him when I see him struggling with this task and if I’m honest with you, the fact that I had a hard time for so long with that issue, I may have held him back with this and other skills.

I’ve never raised a neuro-typical child but I’m guessing that all parents, moms in particular struggle in that department. I remember that my mom did. It was a rule that my bed was to be made daily so I started making my bed before I even attended school. Mom said it looked like bodies were under there and she’d redo it for me instead of waiting for me to develop that skill on my own. She was a perfectionist (which I inherited from her) and the corners of the bedspread had to equally touch the floor all around the bed. If one corner was higher than the other, she couldn’t stand it. Also, my friends and I were not allowed to wallow (woller, we call it down here in Alabama) on the made beds; we had to sit in the bean bags or on the floor. I don’t care how good you were at straightening up that bed, mama knew someone had “wollered” on it. ;-)

I know a lot of my friends struggle in helping their children with their homework. Again, I remember those days. I attended Shelby Academy during my elementary years, which was a private school and the classes there were way tougher than the public schools in those days. (I’ve heard they’ve lowered their standards since back then. How unfortunate for me) Back when I was four or five, my mother was convinced that I was above average intelligence and in just a matter of a few short years at Shelby Academy, I had the honor of proving her wrong. Very, very wrong. My poor parents had the hardest time helping me with homework. We didn’t know it, but I was ADHD. It’s SO abundantly clear now that I am ADHD as an adult. Can’t you tell by trying to read my stories? This is why I don’t update very often. Being ADD and a perfectionist (OCD), I just don’t have time to do it to my standards! Anyway, a lot of the time, my mama or my brother would just do the homework for me because after all, Christmas would be here before I finished on my own. Eventually, the homework got much tougher and it was getting harder for them to “assist” me so my parents hired a tutor for me. For the first time in my life, I had to do this task on my own with the tutor working with me but pushing me to actually learn the math. I’m glad I finally learned the basic stuff, it comes in handy when I’m doing the books, cooking with a recipe or mixing chemicals for someone’s hair color. ~~ Forget French though. That just wasn’t happening for me. I failed French with flying colors. The tutor told me that she hoped I never had to live in France.

All this to say, so many things I wasn’t pushed to accomplish because it was easier for someone else to just do it for me. Till this day, regrettably, I’m still the type who needs a nudge with the important things. I give new meaning to the word, procrastinate. And, at the same time, I see myself doing the same exact thing to my son. Notice, I didn’t say “for” my son. Because, I believe if you don’t encourage your children to do all they can on their own, you are doing nothing “for” them. The greatest disservice we can be to our children is to reinforce their fears and insecurities (and their laziness) by allowing them to avoid the things they don‘t want to do. My goals are a little different from most parents. I just want my child to be able to feed himself, go to the bathroom on his on, dress himself -- Just basic daily living skills. But, I’m hindering his progress when I give in and do it for him. I think, as parents, special needs or not, it all comes down to teaching our children to live independently to the best of their ability when we are no longer around. The thought of Stephen being in this world without me is the one thought that keeps me awake at night. The one thing he needs most from me is for me to push him to be all he can be and do all he can for himself so he‘ll be as prepared as possible for that day. That’s very clear to me now. So I’m praying now for God to show me the way of doing this because this is a new skill for me to learn. -- And this is one thing NO ONE can do “for” me.

"Fall"ing Into Photography

2008-10-17T14:43:00.000-05:00

::To see full size, click on the photo::

Ahh, that's my favorite kind of photo. When the subject is unaware they are being photographed. I cannot take credit for this one. As it turns out, Stephen's daddy has quite the eye for photography. Of course, I have to ask you, who could go wrong with Stephen for a subject? The kid is a natural camera magnet.

The photo above was taken two weekends ago when Stephen's dad took him to the park so I could have some time to myself. What that means is, Stephen, bless his sweet little O heart, was getting on my last nerve. But, never mind that ... His daddy took this photo with his camera phone and I did very little editing. I was just so happy to see that Stephen stopped running in circles long enough to focus on something. He's just like his mama. He can't stand still and appreciate the beauty around him for being so controlled by racing thoughts. His daddy told me that he was fascinated by the leaves falling from the trees and floating down the creek; he thought it was a kodak moment. And, he probably wanted to rub into my face the fact that Stephen behaved well for him

Last week, we went to the Fall Festival and I got some really good shots of Stephen. As usual, I'm running behind and I'll try to have those uploaded before Thanksgiving.

Hope y'all have a great weekend.

FIREPROOF

2008-10-14T09:30:00.000-05:00

I can't say enough about this movie!

In this journal's archives, you'll find a five year old entry titled, "My Cousin Vinny." I won't make you go there to read the story I'll just tell you briefly, that, up until this past June, My Cousin Vinny was the last movie that the husband and I went to the movies to see (just the two of us). That was in 1992.

Brace yourselves! ... Last night, the husband and I had a date night at the movies with over 150 other couples from our church! I KNOW! We were very excited to have a night out to see a movie together. And it was an opportunity to meet other couples from our church. It just occurred to me the other day that ... we don't have friends. Let me rephrase that; We don't have "couple" friends. I have my friends and he has his but we don't socialize at all with other couples. Weird, huh? Our first years were extremely stressful as a married couple because our son was born three months premature with so many health problems we weren't prepared for. We didn't focus on our social life. We just didn't have one for over a dozen years. Now that we have a respite provider and are able to have a little bit of a social life, most of our old friends are divorced. We've had respite night (date night, we call it) on Fridays for the last three years which has been instrumental in restoring our relationship. The thought of where we'd be without it terrifies me. That's one reason why we feel so passionate about this movie. There just isn't enough focus on marriage and family anymore in the big screen world. There isn't enough focus on marriage and family, period, if you ask me. But that's a whole 'nother journal entry. I am a survivor of a broken marriage that ended in divorce; I know exactly how difficult divorce can be. I am also a survivor of a broken marriage that did not end in divorce, but was restored.

One of my favorite lines from the movie is when Kirk Cameron's character was having a talk with a friend of his who was trying to counsel him about his marriage. His friend told him, "You can't follow your heart. You've got to lead your heart." Wow --- I can't add anything to that.

I'll try to update soon with a few photos. Till then, y'all take care!

I'm Here!

2008-10-08T16:36:00.000-05:00

Please overlook the unpacked boxes; I have lots to do here. ...Whew!

A little disappointed that only the photos on the index page are viewable after AOL transferred the files. I guess they got lost in the move. And I know the ones posted from "AOL Pictures" will disappear after the 31st. Which is why I copied every dadgum one of 'em. But, all in all, I'm just happy the past entries and comments made it over. Who knows, one of these days when I have plenty of time on my hands, I'll upload each of the photos to match their past post. Yeah, I'll do that while the maid is cleaning my house and my son's private nurse is bathing him.

So, this is it for now. Hmmm, I'm still thinking about going private again. But if I do, I'll "friend" those of you who want to stay in the know.

Till next time, y'all take care!

Just Curious ...

2008-10-03T09:00:00.000-05:00

How many of you guys are on facebook, myspace, etc. ---

What do you think of facebook? Is there blog space there?

So Long ...

2008-10-01T08:53:00.000-05:00

AOL Journal Community. aka: J-land ... The end of an era ...

The above photos were some of the first I posted in this AOL journal. They will be permanently deleted on October 31st. Not by choice, mind you.

Ahh, look at 'em up there. It was Fall of the year. October, 2003. Stephen was so much smaller. Patches was still alive. ::sigh:: During this time, I was in the midst of making some of the best friends I'll ever know. I've already lost touch with many. My first bestest buddy, SloMo. Sigh ... How I still miss that girl. If I just knew she was OK. ~ Armand ... where are you? I miss your political reports (even when we didn't see eye to eye all the time) and Stephen misses his Army-Man-buddy. And... Vivian ... dear, sweet Vivian, how I miss you. Lets not forget those who, in the beginning made AOL J the community that it is. Pam. Frank. May you two always rest in peace. I'll never forget the impact y'all had on my life and I'm sure I speak for all of us when I say, "we'll never, ever forget you.

There are more. Many more friends I've sadly lost touch with. Most of which happened after the split a few years ago when AOL began posting ads on our journals. I have to say now that I am thankful in a small way that AOL imposed the ads on us because it was then that I moved to Live Journal. And today I still have that journal and most of the time, I copy my journal entries and post over there. It, too, is private. SO I don't have as much to back up as I normally would. I just don't trust AOL to move everything for me to blogger so I will manually copy most of my entries posted in those first 2 or 3 years.

Those of you who are not AOL members and are a reader of this journal, you may not be aware that AOL is shutting the doors to the AOL journal community and also closing our FTP webspace where we have SO MANY photos and memories saved. Stay tuned. After this is all over, you can find me at blog spot. Same user name and email only, (it's at gmail dot com) my journal will again be named none other than, Daily Gratitudes and Attitudes.

The last five years and two months have been special and I look forward to keeping in touch with all of you!

Till we meet again!

So, You Want To Know What I've Been Up To?

2008-09-11T14:43:00.000-05:00

Well, humor me ... let's pretend you've all been sitting on the edge of your seats, waiting to hear from me.

I've been working for the husband. Not only am I his bookkeeper/secretary/gopher; I am now also his web designer. Let me be honest here. I am no web designer. Well, while we're on the subject and while we're being honest, neither am I a bookkeeper or secretary. Gophering is about all I'm technically qualified to do. I was, at one time, someone's personal assistant. I'm really good at doing what I am told. As long as I have knowledge of that which is assigned to me. Which brings me back to the aforementioned fact that I lack many of the skills I was hired to do. In all fairness, the husband's budget isn't big enough to afford a professional anyway so I'll have to do. Hmm, you get what you pay for, right? Oh, and this morning my darling husband informs me that I've been given a promotion as marketing director to boot. ha,ha! Funny! Ya gotta love that man!

If you have time, please visit my husband's website: mobileweldingservices.com and tell me what you think. Below is one of his latest creations. He's having a difficult time parting with this table because he spent many hours creating it. The man is an artist. I'm not bragging. Well, darnit, YES I AM. Please allow me to brag on my talented husband. I'd also appreciate any feedback. If you guys can think of anything I should have or should not have done/said, please email or comment me and let me know.

I hope to be back soon with another update. I just wanted to let you know that I've been around but I've been busy.

Mia

The Pontalba Design Foyer Table

The table in the above photo was designed with the idea to replicate the cast iron balcony details on the Pontalba Building which is a landmark in New Orleans' French Quarter. Also known as the Scroll design, this table will add breath-taking beauty to any foyer and also serve useful as a sofa table, media table or dining room side-server table.

Other Details:

tabletop: one inch granite

height: 33-1/2 inches

width/depth: 17 inches

length: 63 inches

We can custom design your table for you. To discuss your ideas, please email me:

paul@mobileweldingservices.com

A MeMe (which I don't have time for but I'm doing it anyway)

2008-08-28T10:04:00.000-05:00

Stolen from one of my Myspace friends ...

If you could live in any other place, where & why?
Here, in Alabama. Different location. Preferably a small farm with horses for my son (he enjoys special equestrian therapy), a fabulous garden spot, chickens (for the fresh eggs) and a simple farm house would be perfect for us.

What animal best represents you & why?
In my case it would probably be a bee or an ant because I'm always as busy as one of those little suckers ... although they're technically not animals are they? :-/

What is the craziest thing you ever did?
I've done many crazy things but, I was young and immature. Actually, I'd call them "stupid" things.

If you could meet anyone, who would it be & why?

I'd like to meet my online friends. Why? ... Why not?

If you could go back in time & live in any decade, which would it be & why?
Not sure if I understand this question. If I could live in any other time, it would be the Victorian Era. Because I love anything and everything that is Victorian. I wouldn't really care for the decades I've already been through.

If you could have any superpower what would it be?
Softening the hearts of mean, bitter (wounded), judgmental people.

Who is your ultimate celebrity crush?
Dennis Quaid

What color best represents you?
Ruby Red

What would your life's theme song be?
"I'm Not Who I Was" - Brandon Heath

Who would you cast to play you in a movie?
Sandra Bullock

What celebrity best represents your vision of fashion?
Probably Sandra Bullock. But, I don't know ... I really don't have a "vision of fashion."

What would your life movie be called?
Hope Floats or Something To Talk About

What is the greatest music video of all time?
Thriller... (Bridgett, I'm keeping your answer!)

If you could star in any t.v. show, which one would it be?
LOL - The Andy Griffith Show, most likely. The characters are my kind of people.

What vehicle best represents you?
Something affordable, economical and low-maintenance.

If you could bring back 1 famous person from the dead for a day, who & why?
Strange question. I dunno ... Maybe, Elvis. So I could watch him try to convince people that he really was dead all those years. (Lord, forgive me ...)

If you became president, what would you do first?
Are you kidding? I can't even handle the responsibilities I have now!

If you got one tattoo, what would it be?
I'm not really in to that whole tattooing/body piercing thing; I think some of it's cute on other people though. If I "had" to, I guess a small, small, microscopic cross.

If you were on MTV's Made, what would you ask to be?
I don't even know what MTV's Made is. Next question ...

Who do you think is the hottest athlete?
I'm not in to athletes. Next question ...

Who do you think is the hottest actor/actress?
Dennis Quaid. Jennifer Aniston.

Who do you think is the hottest musician/singer/rapper?
Jon Bon Jovi.

Who do you think is the hottest t.v.reality star?
Uhhhh....no idea.

What sport best represents you & why?
Hmmm, Dodge Ball? If you know me, you know why. LOL

What is your most missed memory of childhood?
Sunday afternoons with my grandparents, aunts, uncles and cousins. And, just simply being a child!

What is your greatest accomplishment?
Being a mom and just, "hanging in there, not giving up" has been most rewarding.

Fay, Fay, Go Away!!

2008-08-25T12:47:00.000-05:00

I'm thankful for the rain, but the flooding? Not so much.

We are walking distance from a creek and we have to drive over that bridge to get in and out of here so I'm just sort of pacing the floor till the bus brings my baby home safe, sound and dry.

Jo, if you're reading this, I am cooking your 15 bean soup recipe for supper tonight. Rainy days are good soup days.

Happy SWEET Sixteen!

2008-08-14T18:21:00.000-05:00

Happy Sweet Sixteenth Anniversary To Us!

I've been sitting here all morning searching Playlist.com for all of our "songs" that we loved back in the day so I can make a cd for my husband's anniversary gift. I can't believe how many years have come and gone. We were just kids when we met! I was only nineteen years old and he was 21. Last night we were reminiscing and realized, "Omigosh! We've known each other for more than half our lives! We've grown up together."

It hasn't been easy. We almost didn't make it to where we are now. A few years ago, we had our attorney draw up divorce papers. We signed those papers. Without telling us, he didn't file them with the court. He was a good friend of ours and said he knew (hoped and prayed) we'd change our minds. We didn't fall out of love; we were victims of a situation that we didn't plan and could not understand. We somehow lost ourselves as a couple while caring for and worrying about our disabled son. Individually, we felt Stephen's physical and mental challenges were somehow our fault or a punishment from God for getting pregnant outside of marriage. We also blamed one another. We became so bitter towards one another, other people who had "healthy" children and even God. Studies have shown that marriages of parents who have disabled children, for the most part, end in divorce. I believe the statistics as of a few years ago was 80%. I can see how that happens. We were married for over 12 years before we were able to have a [real] couple's night out. My mom kept Stephen from time to time so we could go Christmas shopping or to the doctor or something like that but we felt anything beyond that would be an imposition. We had celebrated our anniversary a total of only two times in all those years. Our fifth and our twelfth. The respite just wasn't there. I was not tired, I was exhausted. Physically, mentally, spiritually.

Fast forward to the present. We are now experiencing the blessing of staying together through all of the hard times. The most astounding thing we've realized is, love isn't something that you "feel" it's something that you "do" for the other person you have chosen to share your life with. Another thing we've learned; Stephen's challenges were not a curse. They became our challenge as a family. It was going to make us or break us and we decided to dig our heels in and fight for it. Stephen's already missed out on so much in life, there was NO WAY we could take his security as he knows it from him, too. How do you explain to a nonverbal, mentally challenged child that his parents are getting divorced? It's difficult enough to try to explain that to a neuro-typical child. So, yeah, we are one of those couples who stayed together for the sake of the child. But, somehow, somewhere on that difficult road, with help from the Good Lord above, we've found one another again. at the risk of sounding cliche, my husband is the man of my dreams and my best friend. Our marriage has been difficult at best, but I wouldn't trade it for anything. It's all how you choose to look at it. ... I'm seeing the glass half full.

Here I am, sitting here getting all mushy and talking about my [very] personal life which is something I haven't done in quite some time. If you've been reading my journals for a long time, you know this. A few years ago, a reader commented, "What? You're married? I assumed you were a single mother because you never say anything about your husband. You refer to him as "Stephen's dad." ::sigh:: That's how far apart we were. It's strange how you can live in the same house and sleep in the same bed with someone and feel so separate from them.

Having a true Attitude Of Gratitude Today

A Message To My Journal Friends ...

2008-08-12T09:51:00.000-05:00

Hello everyone!

First, I apologize for not visiting any of you in a while. I've been swamped with work since last week. Stephen returned to school last week and he's loving it so far. I know he missed his friends and his routine. Because of me and my health issues, he had a very, very boring summer. I have promised that when I get my medical bills paid, and when his daddy's work picks up, we will finally be able to take a short trip somewhere because we were unable to take a vacation this summer. However, it might be NEXT summer before we do so. :(

So anyway, I must go and get back to work. You'd be amazed how things pile up on you when you are forced to take almost 10 weeks off! I just wanted y'all to know I'm okay, just busy and I will come by and catch up with all of you ASAP!

I hope you're all doing well.

Lots of Love!

Mia

2008-08-03T12:12:00.000-05:00

What Form of Creative Writing are you?

Fiction

Mainstream and flexible, fiction can speak to everyone. It's variety is its best strength. Suggesions: Aimee Bender, Italo Calvino, Flannery O`Connor, Chris Abani, Susan Straight, Neil Gaiman

Click Here to Take This Quiz
Brought to you by YouThink.com quizzes and personality tests.

A MeMe

2008-08-02T16:55:00.000-05:00

A meme - because I don't feel like making time for a "real" post, but wanted y'all to know all is well! If you play along, link back to your journal for me.

1. Where is your cell phone? ................charging

2. Your significant other?.................at work.

3. Your hair? .......................................ponytail

4. Your mother? ...................................intricate

5. Your father?.....................................easy going

6. Your favorite thing?.........................doing fun stuff with husband and son

7. Your dream last night?.......................Strange. disturbing. revealing. I'm still analyzing it

8. Your favorite drink? .............................iced tea with lemon or water

9. Dream/goal?.......................................I have quite a few of them, really.

10. The room you're in?...........................Smack in the middle of the house

11. Your fear?........................................fear itself

12. Where do you want to be in 6 years?............with my family. preferably in a better location.

13. Where were you last night?.............fun night out with the husband!

14. What you're not?.................................easily duped.

15. Muffins?........................................yes please!

16. One of your wish list items?..........was taken care of on my birthday (Thanks G!)

17. Where you grew up?.....................In the very heart of Alabama

18. The last thing you did?......................baked an apple pie (waiting now for it to cool!)

19. What are you wearing?....................gray yoga pants and white tee shirt

20. Your TV?.........................................almost always on Noggin.

21. Your pet(s)?........................................is about to drive me bonkers

22. Your computer? ...............................I wish I could limit my usage to work ONLY =)

23. Your life?.........................................I have a full plate. Thanksgiving feast kind of full.

24. Your mood?.................................pretty good

25. Missing someone?............................my grandparents. still. some days more than others

26. Your car?..........................................is giving me a hard time lately

27. Something you're not wearing?..............shoes

28. Favorite Store?.......................I'm not a big shopper. Publix or Sam's, I guess. lol

29. Your summer?....................................too short :(

30. Like someone?...............................why not?

31. Your favorite color?............................deep red

32. Last time you laughed......................a few minutes ago

33. Last time you cried?........................sunday night

34. Who will re-post this?......................I haven't a clue

Answered Prayers ...

2008-07-15T13:41:00.000-05:00

Hello friends and family!

I believe my cousin, Beverly let most of you know the results but I have to "testify"! ;-)

First of all, for those who don't know, my arteriogram results were negative! My heart is working exactly like it's supposed to!

-----------------------------------------

The husband and I have been trying to decide where we should go to church for quite some time.

One Sunday morning in the middle of May, I had a dream. In this dream, I saw my husband, my brother, my sister-in-law and myself sitting on a pew at Kingwood (the church I attended from the time I was six days old and stayed fairly active in, off and on for most of my life) In this dream, I saw us all laughing and talking to the pastor and that was the end of my dream. I thought nothing of it, really. I laid there awake for a few minutes, remembering my dream. Then, my husband woke up and said, "Morning .... Guess what I dreamed? I dreamed we were at Kingwood church." I sat up in bed and said, "No Way! That's what I dreamed about! D'you think that's our answer? We should start going back to Kingwood?" Husband says, "Duh, what do you think?" So, that's where we decided to go. Then, only a little over a month later, all of this "heart" stuff started getting worse and you know the rest of the story about how I got to the point of needing the arteriogram.

This past Sunday night at church, my brother asked me to let him, the pastor and the pastor's wife pray for me, so I did. I felt like the more prayers going up, the better. I didn't notice a change until I went back to my seat and leaned over to pick up my bible. I took a deep breath while doing so and realized for the first time in a long time, I was able to get a good, deep breath without pain! I had no more chest pains at all that night. I felt fine Monday morning before going to the hospital. For the first time in a while, I felt very peaceful. I felt in my spirit that all was going to be okay and it was!

I can't experience a touch from the good Lord and not share the good news. I want to thank all of you who prayed forme; our prayers were answered!

I'll update soon. I have been ordered to get bed rest till Thursday to allow the femoral artery to heal (where they went in the groin to do the test, ouch!) The funny thing is, all this time, I needed the rest and now I'm no longer tired. I'll rest anyway though because they say we don't want it to bleed.

Oh, PS - Last Thursday, I was praying for a promising scripture to leap out at me as I was reading my bible and this is the one that did:

Be of good courage, and he shall strengthen your HEART, all ye that have hope in the Lord. Psalm 31:24

I chose to take this verse literally.

Update

2008-07-08T09:20:00.000-05:00

I'm always a day late and a dollar short ... Even when it comes to posting to my journal. I wrote this update last night but was too tired to post it.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

I was doing pretty good there for a while and then I shut down again and stopped posting journal entries.

I'll just list a recap of the last couple of weeks or so ...

June 21: I made my first batch *ever* of fig preserves. My daddy liked them so much, I had to turn around and make another batch the next week. I actually wrote a journal entry the day I made my first batch but I haven't gotten around to posting it yet. I sort of started out writing about the actual preserving process and ended up writing a story about my grandmother who used to make fig preserves every summer when I was little and then got all caught up in the nostalgia. ::sigh:: After all these years, I still miss her soooo much.

June 27: My husband took me to the ER because I woke up with a weird feeling in my chest. Back up a few months -- Around March I was going to start power walking for exercise and before the first lap was down, I started having chest pains. It was not, grab my chest, "Elizabeth, I'm comin' to join ya honey" Kind of pains. It was just more like little twitches of electricity. So I backed off and walked normally for the rest of the lap and didn't attempt the power walking anymore. But still, every now and then, I have those twitches and then they became more painful. Still not, grabbing my chest and making a big deal out of it kind of pain but it became worrisome. Still, I decided not to bother my family with it. On June 25th, my husband took Stephen and me out to dinner and my husband caught me having one because I grabbed my chest real quick in front of him before I knew it. I told him in was no big deal. Probably gas. Then, the next day, my daddy caught me having one and told my mother and they each voiced their opinion and I agreed to go to their cardiologist after Stephen got back in school. Then, of course, like I said, that Friday morning, I woke up to go pee and on my way back to my bed I started having a really scary, heaviness in my chest. My parents were here within 15 minutes to be with Stephen till we got back from the ER and I didn't actually finish up until about 3:30 in the afternoon. I was sent to cardiac imaging and went through the treadmill stress tests (did horrible on that) and some other imaging where they injected dye in me and took pictures of my heart.

Today: The cardiologist had his nurse call me and says he wants me to make an appointment with him so he can sit down and talk to me about some concerns he has. So I told her I can come in next week and she said he wanted me to come in tomorrow morning.

I'm screaming on the inside but trying to be calm on the outside.

I just wanted to post this and ask for all the good vibes and prayers you can send my way.

Thanks guys!

PS - Maybe I'll post that entry I wrote about the fig preserves next. :-/

Fig Cake

2008-06-19T02:18:00.002-05:00

My parents have a huge fig tree in the back yard and this time it's loaded with gigantic figs. As a kid, I loved eating them raw, fresh off the tree. Now, not so much. So I have been trying to find recipes for them. Here's one that I modified and made my own. Tomorrow I'm buying jars so I can make preserves. Oh, by the way, my husband won't eat figs so I didn't tell him they were in the cake. He LOVED it. ;-)

Fig Cake

This is sort of like a coffee cake or quick bread.
You'll need the following ingredients:

2 cups self-rising flour
1 1/2 cups sugar
1 teaspoon ground nutmeg (too much nutmeg for me. Next time, 1/2 teaspoon)
1 teaspoon ground cinnamon
3 large eggs, lightly beaten
1/2 cup canola oil

1/2 cup butter flavored crisco, melted
1 cup buttermilk
1 teaspoon vanilla
1 cup chopped figs
1 cup toasted chopped pecans (optional)

Stir together the dry ingredients; stir in egg, oils, and buttermilk. Stir in vanilla. Fold in figs and pecans. Pour into a greased and floured 13- x 9-inch pan.

Bake at 325° for 35 minutes or until a wooden pick inserted in center comes out clean. I sifted a little bit of confectioners sugar over the top of it.

WOW, my schedule has gotten so off track, having Stephen home during the day. I'm nocturnal by nature and apparently, so is he. Here it is, after 2 am! He's finally sleeping as of midnight and I've spent the last 2 hours playing on the computer. ::yawn::

night, y'all!

We Have A Dilemma

2008-06-11T10:41:00.000-05:00

Hello Everyone!

I don't want to jinx things so I won't go into detail. I just want to let you all know that we could use some prayers and positive vibes right now ...

I'll let you in on this if/when it happens.

Hate to leave ya hanging, but ... If you only understood my history with speaking too soon and jinxing things, you'd understand.

edit: The reason I call it a 'dilemma' is because the result of our decision could be both good and bad, all at he same time - depending on how you look at it. :- /

As I promised ...

2008-06-04T16:45:00.000-05:00

Did you notice that my mood is "sore"? My arthritis or whatever it is started hurting Saturday morning (why does it always act up on weekends?) And I thought I'd tough it out this time. Last time it was this bad, I had to go and get a couple of shots and a pack of steroid-type medicine. I wasn't crazy about the side effects so I'm trying to wait it out but I don't know how much longer I can take it. It's like I have a toothache in my left hip bone all the way down to the bottom of my left foot. Uggh ... enough talking about that.

On the bright side ... And, yes, there is always a bright side, right? I've been helping daddy with his veggie garden and I'm learning quite a bit. Like, I've learned the difference between a weed and a small sprig of lettuce. I suppose I should be honest and tell you that I learned that one the hard way when I was helping dad weed the garden.

I got a picture of what we are pretty sure is the Mulberry tree that is at the edge of the garden. Glenda and Lori both say they believe it's a Mulberry and I trust their opinions. Now I need to pick some of them and make some jam. You can eat them, can't you? Our figs are still green. They've been green for a whole month now and a whole new crop is already coming in behind this one. Daddy says we might have 3 crops this summer. I found a recipe for fig cake that I've been wanting to try out. I found out that figs have a lot of potassium and that's something I stay low on. I didn't get any pics of the figs this time but will do so next week. Hope y'all enjoy the photos. OH - I took a picture of a flowering bush in my mama's yard; it blooms with the prettiest red flowers later on in the summer. Help me out with this ... We don't know the name of it. Most of y'all are flower garden people, help me out here. I'll post it first.

Any ideas? I'll get a pic of the blooms in a few weeks.

Daddy. Paul. Stephen.

Radishes. My husband's favorite.

Daddy, picking green onions.

Grape Tomatoes!

Daddy. Stephen. Me.

Daddy and Paul.

One Reason Why I'm Behind On Paperwork

2008-05-30T15:51:00.000-05:00

It never fails ...

Every time I sit down to do paperwork, Lucy has to plop her big, orange butt down on top of my paperwork and start grooming herself. What is up with that?

Lucky for her, she's so darn cute ;-)

Grape Salad Recipe

2008-05-28T09:04:00.001-05:00

We spent Memorial Day at my cousin's house. One of my cousins brought this grape salad dish and it was so good, I had to come home and make it myself. I made a few modifications which I'll get into below the recipe. I didn't take a picture of it on Monday because it was gone in a matter of minutes. I found this photo on Taste of Home website. Mine is waiting in the fridge for me to add the topping today but I'm too lazy to take a picture.

Creamy Grape Salad

SERVINGS: 21-24

CATEGORY: Salads

TIME: Prep/Total Time: 20 min.

Ingredients:

1 package (8 ounces) cream cheese, softened
1 cup (8 ounces) sour cream
1/3 cup sugar
2 teaspoons vanilla extract
2 pounds seedless red grapes
2 pounds seedless green grapes
3 tablespoons brown sugar
3 tablespoons chopped pecans

Directions: In a large mixing bowl, beat the cream cheese, sour cream, sugar and vanilla until blended. Add grapes and toss to coat. Transfer to a serving bowl. Cover and refrigerate until serving. Sprinkle with brown sugar and pecans just before serving. Yield: 21-24 servings.

EDIT: I forgot to add the nutrition info (which is not the low-fat version)

Nutrition Facts
Serving Size 1 (181g) Recipe makes 15 servings
Calories 302
Calories from Fat 126		(41%)
Amount Per Serving		%DV
	Total Fat 14.0g	21%
	Saturated Fat 5.9g	29%
	Monounsaturated Fat 5.4g
	Polyunsaturated Fat 1.9g
	Trans Fat 0.0g
Cholesterol 23mg		7%
Sodium 61mg		2%
Potassium 353mg		10%
Total Carbohydrate 45.0g		14%
	Dietary Fiber 1.8g	7%
	Sugars 39.9g
Protein 3.2g		6%
Vitamin A 390mcg		7%
Vitamin B6 0.1mg		6%
Vitamin B12 0.1mcg		1%
Vitamin C 13mg		22%
Vitamin E 1mcg		4%
Calcium 60mg		6%
Iron 1mg		6%

Get trade secrets for amazing burgers. Watch "Cooking with Tyler Florence" on AOL Food.

Gardening With Daddy

2008-05-13T17:08:00.001-05:00

You'll all be surprised to hear that I have been doing a lot of journal entries ... in my imagination. For the last three or four weeks, I've been taking pictures of my daddy's vegetable garden. The only problem is, I haven't had the time to actually sit here and write a journal entry. I also haven't had time to upload those photos. Today when I went over to my parent's house, I forgot to take my camera. I was so disappointed. For two reasons. We went down to Chilton County to buy a few plants and seeds. Last month when we went down there, I said that I was going to take my camera next time. Naturally, I forgot. My husband went with us today. He and I had some paperwork to do before we left and my camera was the last thing on my mind.

After having a healthy lunch of buttered biscuits, mashed potatoes and gravy, fried chicken, fried okra and fried sweet potato pies, we went to work in the garden. (Yeah, I know ... none of the aforementioned can be considered "healthy" but let's not talk about that right now.) I happened to remember that I have a camera on my cell phone so I started clicking away and took a few pics of my daddy working in the garden. I happened to look down at some point and realized I was stepping on some berries that had fallen from the tree I was standing under. I picked up one of the berries and showed it to daddy, asking him what kind of berries grew in that tree. Now let me say that I've spent almost 42 years of my life at that house and until today, I didn't know they had a tree in the garden that produced such pretty berries. I asked, "are they edible?," being the foodie we all know I am. Daddy said a lot of people make jelly with them but we've never even gathered them for anything. He just lets the birds enjoy them. By the way, I posted a picture of the berries and I need you guys to help me out a little. Daddy says they are elderberries but in doing a search for elderberries, these do not look like the photos I saw online. I'm leaning somewhere in the direction of a Mulberry. Silly me, I did not take a photo of the tree but I will next time. They look like a cross between a raspberry and a blackberry. I opted not to taste of them after my mother (Debby downer, we call her) told me they probably have worms in them.

In other news: After Stephen got off the bus today, I let him sit here at the kitchen table and watch a few of his favorite videos on You Tube. When I got his snack ready, I noticed that he'd popped off one of my keys! I bought this laptop at Best Buy and I've heard horror stories of how they don't live up to their end of the deal when you've bought a warranty. We spent an extra $200 for a plan that will repair or replace anything that goes wrong within the next three years. We knew that was smart because our son can tear up things that are not even considered fragile. You can imagine the damage he could do to something that is fragile. I've been giving him a little bit of computer time because he really hasn't been that bad with it. Until today, when he popped one of the arrow keys off. Me, being the kind of person who cannot stand for something like that to be wrong, worked at it until I figured out how the pieces went back together. It wasn't that hard to figure out but it was hard to actually fix because I have been having problems with my vision and with my hands lately. But I was determined to fix it if I could. Good news: It's fixed. Not sure for how long though, because the key seems to jiggle a little more than the others. So we'll probably take it in to have it looked at and secured if they can.

Anyway, look at this berry and tell me your thoughts. I will try to post the other photos as soon as I can.

Y'all take care!

I'm Not Leaving ...

2008-05-08T08:20:00.000-05:00

But I am planning on spending a lot of my future free time in a new community ~

Check this out! http://carespace.com

(Blogs are not available yet but they're coming!)

Tags: caregiving, blogs

Stephen Wins Blue Ribbon!

2008-04-25T17:13:00.000-05:00

So it's been waaaaay too long since I've updated. Where does the time go?

I'll make my long story very short: Stephen and I both are close to getting a diagnosis.

Stephen had an appointment with the genetics department about a month ago and I believe they are really on the right track. I'm not sure if I've ever mentioned the possibility of a "syndrome" or not. But, if I haven't, it's because there's just too much detail and nothing has been concrete yet. But, we're getting there. ... I think.

My test for Rheumatoid factor came back elevated and I have to see a rheumatologist. , whenever I can get around to it, that is. I hope that will be soon.

I'll let y'all know when/if I find out anything. About myself and Stephen.

But for now, I leave you with some photos from our county Special Olympics games! We had a blast today. Stephen won a blue ribbon for the assisted walk competition (his daddy assisted him) I am so proud of both of my guys!

Spring Break Pictures

2008-03-21T23:13:00.000-05:00

We took some time off Monday and played at the playground

WooHoo! B-Ball!

Stephen, getting his game on!

Um, Mama isn't so good at this (lol, look how interested he looks when I have the ball)

After playtime, daddy has to go to the shop to finish up something. Stephen "helps" ;-)

Capri Pants

2008-03-10T14:19:00.000-05:00

Fashion Do or Don't?

At the mall, I overheard someone say, "Well, everybody knows that women over the age of 35 should never, ever wear capri pants!"

Is this true?

I shopped for my summer wardrobe last fall. You know me, always going for the stuff on the clearance racks. I bought some capri pants. I love, love, love wearing them! I seriously thought they were age appropriate. I mean, after all, I've seen women older than me wear them and I never thought, Ew, how tacky! I'll be the first one to tell you that I hate to see women my age try to hold on to that shred of youth by raiding their college-age daughters closets. I don't care HOW good your body looks; Chances are, your face doesn't look like a twenty year old. And, for Heaven's sake, Stay away from the Hanna Montana (or whatever she's calling herself now days) section!

Common sense (and my spider veins) tells me that my mini-skirt-wearing days are over. Shorts? You won't even catch me at Walmart, in the garden department wearing shorts. That's why I love capris and sun dresses in the summer. Sun dresses that are at the knee or below, that is.

Must I wear long pants just because I'm over 35? How do you ladies feel about this? What will you be wearing this summer?

Just curious

Mama Mia's Chicken and Dumplings

2008-03-04T09:24:00.001-06:00

I added this recipe to Kitchen Chatter but also added here for those of you who are not subscribers there. But check it out! We are a group of foodies who always have something good cooking!

-------------------------------------

After a night of stormy weather, our temperature is expected to drop throughout the day, today. To me, that means dumplings. My daddy found a good sale on chicken last Saturday and he bought enough to split with us. Mama is also making her dumpling recipe today. Which is a less lazy recipe than mine. I use Bisquick and mama uses flour mixed with one egg and instead of milk, she uses some of the chicken broth. This makes a very interesting flavor that you don't find in most dumplings. But, one day as I was feeling too lazy to make her recipe (and mine is never as good as her's anyway), I reached for the box of bisquick. Since that day, I've used their recipe for biscuits, only I use a little less milk so it's easier to roll out. And sometimes, I use buttermilk instead of regular milk. You could probably even do like mom and use some of the hot broth in place of the milk. She says using hot broth prevents the dough from rising too much. But, that's just a matter of taste. I like dumplings both ways.

So let's get on with the recipe.

Mama Mia's Chicken and Dumplings

* One whole chicken or Chicken pieces with bone-in (I use chicken with the bone because the bone marrow is healthy for you. Especially during cold and flu season)

* Two or three stalks of celery (With the leaves; they're full of flavor)

* A whole onion, quartered

* Sometimes, I slice some carrots

* Salt and Pepper to taste

* Bisquick

* Milk and/or buttermilk

Cook the chicken and vegetables for a couple of hours (if you're adding carrots, wait until the last 30 minutes to add them) and let cool enough for you to touch without burning yourself. While the Chicken is cooling, make your dough. You can either roll it out on a floured surface and cut into strips or you can make drop biscuits. Depends on your preference. For me, it depends on how much time I have.

Strain the stock to make sure you don't have bones in it and remove the wilted celery and onions. Reserve the carrots to add back later, if you'd like - along with the chicken.

Return the broth to a low, steady boil and drop your dumplings one at a time, trying not to stir too much or your dumplings will become a thick soup. Work quickly. Turn down the heat some and let cook on low for about 10 minutes. I add my chicken meat during this time. Turn heat down some more and put a lid on it. Simmer for about 10 more minutes without removing the lid till time is up. I like to add a little bit of buttermilk to mine before serving. I like the flavor of buttermilk. Again, this is a matter of taste.

Enjoy.

This is Stephen's favorite.

NOTE: When you're really, really pressed for time, you can always use boneless chicken breast and canned or boxed broth, which is pretty salty so be sure to use the low sodium kind and add salt according to your taste.

EDIT: Lori gave me a yummy idea to add some sage or poultry seasoning to the dumpling dough. That sounds like a great idea to me!

It's Tax Time! Get tips, forms and advice on AOL Money & Finance.

News ...

2008-02-21T14:14:00.000-06:00

This journal will be going private very soon.

Please E-mail me or leave a comment if you'd like to be added as a reader.

Thank you

sharing a few photos of the snow

2008-01-21T17:00:00.000-06:00

Hey y'all!

I took the time to upload a few pictures. The first few photos were made this last Saturday when we had our first snow in years. We had a blast. I'm not sure if Stephen can even remember his last snow. He was five years old, I think.

I also added a photo that was taken on Christmas eve when Santa visited and right after Christmas was Stephen's birthday. He's getting so big. I just can't believe how much my baby has grown.

I'll get back in touch soon!

Y'all take care!

A Fun MeMe I grabbed from a friend ...

2008-01-15T09:35:00.000-06:00

A First-Born MeMe ...

1. What were your reactions?
I went sort of numb. (I was told my chances were greater to win the lottery than to get pregnant)

2. How old were you?
26

3. How did you find out you were pregnant?
I took a home pregnancy test because I was "late" but I expected it to be negative like all the others had been.

4. Who did you tell first?
My husband

5. Did you want to find out the sex?
Yes

6. Due date?
March, twenty-something

7.Did you deliver early or late?
Early. Very early. He was due in March, born in December.

8. Did you have morning sickness?
I had all-day-long sickness for the first 12 weeks.

9. What did you crave?

After the sickness ended, I craved Italian food, mostly. I loved sea food. And at least 4 times a week, I had cheeseburgers, fries and a chocolate milkshake.

10. Who irritated you the most?
My clients. (I didn't feel like standing on my feet, working 6 days a friggen week)

11. What was your first child's sex?
Boy (and, by the way, he's an only child)

12. How many pounds did you gain throughout the pregnancy?
28 lbs

13. Did you have any complications during your pregnancy?
Premature labor which came out of the blue. Otherwise, up to that point, I had a healthy, normal pregnancy.

14. Where did you give birth?

A women's hospital in B'ham.

15. How many hours were you in labor?
About 18

16. Who drove you to the hospital?
My husband

17.Who watched?
My husband and a team of specialists that filled the room (because he was so premature)

18.Was it natural or c-section?
Natural

19.Did you take medicine to ease the pain?
Yes and no. They gave me an epidural but it didn't take for some reason.

20.How much did your child weigh?
3 lbs 5 oz

21.Did your child have any complications?
yes, too many to get into here and now

22.What did you name him/her?
The name I had always wanted for a boy (which coincidentally, is my husband's name!)

23. How old is your first born today?
He turned 15 on December 26th

SCATTERGORIES

2007-12-10T16:30:00.000-06:00

Taking a break from the serious stuff for a few minutes before I get back to my offline world. :-)

…it's harder than it looks! Give it a try. Use the 1st letter of your name to answer each of the following ... they have to be real places, names, things...nothing made up! You CAN'T use your name for the boy/girl name question. Let me know if you're playing so I can click over to your journal and read your answers.

What is your name - Mia

4 Letter Word - Moon

Vehicle – Motorcycle (all I can think of)

City – Montevallo (Well, it's a city down here in Alabama!)

Boy Name - Mork

Girl Name - Mindy

Alcoholic Drink – Moonshine

Occupation -Musician

Something you wear – Moo-Moo ;-D

Celebrity – Mickey Rooney

Food - Moon Pie

Something found in a bathroom – Mat

Reason for Being Late – Mostly because I procrastinate

Cartoon Character – Mickey Mouse

Something You Shout – MOVE!!!

Animal – Moose

Body part – Mouth

Word to describe you – Moody (especially today)

Running With(Out) Scissors

2007-12-06T09:25:00.000-06:00

Yes, I am forcing myself to carve out a few minutes this morning to update. First, I wanted to let you all know that I did NOT give the birthday wish list to the hubs. I figured many of you thought he must have read it and kicked me out, therefore, I had no computer access. Well, no to both of those assumptions. Also, I'd like to let some of you who were really concerned know that the list was written, tongue-in-cheek. My husband is a dear, sweet man and can even be thoughtful at times. But I do thank those of you who sent those empowering emails to me. And you all know who you are! ;-P

So I'll explain the title of this update. I am running without scissors because after more than 24 years in the hair salon world, I have decided to hang up the old shears. I do still cut hair for my immediate family and some seniors who just can't get out and go to a salon. But my knuckles just wouldn't let me do it anymore. I haven't mentioned that I've developed arthritis in my hands. I whine so much about everything else, I just hated to bring that up. But now it's out. I couldn't hide it anymore because they simply stopped working when trying to do haircuts. It's even hard to peel apples, potatoes, etc. I have found that if I take Aleve before doing haircuts it helps.

Before I go, I'd like to share with you all something that really has pulled on my heartstrings. If you know me and my son, you understand why this is so important to me. Over the last couple of weeks, I have gotten to know a most amazing woman who does volunteer work for some of the local ARC group homes. ARC, if you're not familiar with that acronym is, Association for Retarded Citizens. I think they've dropped that for political correctness and call it "Arc" now. However, I'm not 100% sure of that. Anyway, the important thing is, there are more than 160 individuals with special needs living in these homes. Their ages are anywhere from 20-60 years old. Can you imagine being an innocent child, trapped in an adult body? Can you imagine, believing in Santa Claus and never being remembered during Christmas because you have outlived your family? Imagine being a parent of one of these angels but you are unable to care for them so you have no choice but to place them in a home for the disabled to be cared for the way they need and deserve to be cared for. You would want your precious child to be remembered on Holidays and birthdays, wouldn't you?

I know it's the holidays and we all have our favorite charities we work with. I've sort of floated around Christmas after Christmas giving to this cause and that cause; They are all worthy. But I have found a permanent home for my compassion now, for this is where my heart truly is. I still want to help Toys For Tots but there is always room for one more. These forgotten children's wishes would humble you like you've never been humbled before. I have adopted four angels. For example, their wish lists are as follows:

*Roger age 60: Loves family movies

*Margaret age 50: A book that plays music and makes sounds when you push the buttons on the side. (Stephen will be choosing her books; They are on the same ability level)

*Jerome, an elderly man: House slippers

*Clifford, an elderly man: House slippers

*Simple crafts for senior men for one of the group homes. ~ Most all of the wishes I saw were like this; All of their requests are so inexpensive and simple. You can spend as little as $5-10 or as much as you'd like. They are very appreciative and grateful darlings. Stephen is always more excited to get a coloring book and crayons than he is a computer game. They are all so easy to please. Shouldn't we all have a heart like them? What a wonderful world it would be. You can read an article about it here: http://www.njeffersonnews.com/local/local_story_339112511.html

Friends and family who live nearby, If you'd like to make this a Merry Christmas for a forgotten adult-child, you can go to the Nextel dealer at the Publix shopping center in Pelham. If you are not living in our area and still want to help, contact your local ARC and simply ask them about their group homes and I'm sure they'll guide you in the right direction.

I will close this update/announcement now for I have a million things to do today. I will try (really, really hard) to update before another five months or so goes by. ;-)

Happy Holidays to all of my journal friends!

Dear Husband Of Mine ...

2007-07-08T15:42:00.000-05:00

As you are most aware, your wife has a birthday in a couple of weeks. I know that you have probably been frantically going through the sales papers and catalogs in search of the perfect gift for your wife. And, if you haven't, shame on you!

Are you considering a piece of expensive jewelry?

Please, don't!

That is very sweet of you to consider but, do I really need another necklace, bracelet or pair of earrings? You know as well as I do, I only wear my wedding rings and a watch. The pieces of jewelry I occasionally adorn myself with is more than enough for practical little O me. Really.

Are you thinking of more candles? Again, that is sweet of you, for you know I love candles. You probably haven't noticed, but I have a plastic bin full of unused candles in the back of the closet. I have enough candles to light our world for six months if we should have a major power outage.

I have given this a lot of thought and carefully listed a few inexpensive things that I would LOVE for my birthday. Please remember while reading this list that I love you and I appreciate the little things. So, they are as follows:

1.) Do you remember that bag of "stuff" such as business cards, screws, bolts and nuts, and other various items I don't even know the name of, that I cleaned off of your night stand? Well, I would love it if you'd go through that stuff and decide what you want to keep and find an appropriate home for it. Throw out the rest.

2.) Take our darling son to work with you one day. That way, you'll be able to see for yourself how much you can accomplish with him there. Then, I want you to come home and remember that, next time you are tempted to ask me why I didn't get so-and-so done.

3.) A nap! (for me, not you)

4.) Give me possession of the remote control. And, promise not to get mad if I call you in the room to find it for me several times in one evening, even though, I should be the only one who knows where it is, because I'm the only one who uses the darn thing.

5.) The above request would only make sense if you gave me a night off to actually watch a TV program from beginning to end. So, I guess request #5 is, Let me have a night off from my duties and routine so I can watch TV.

6.) Could you take over my evening duties and routine on my birthday? They would include but are not limited to the following:

*prepare supper

*prepare all three dinner plates and drinks then, set them on the table

*make Stephen stop whatever he is doing so he can come to the table and eat.

*help him wash his hands

*help Stephen with the more difficult food items which require a spoon or a fork, etc. while your food gets cold.

*Oops! Did you forget to say grace?

*clean kitchen and put leftovers in the fridge.

*stop what you're doing to get Stephen out of whatever he's gotten into. he may need to go to the bathroom and will need your help. OR you might need to change a diaper.

*give Stephen his evening medication with a cup of pudding or apple sauce before getting him ready for bed

*I would say "give him his bath," but you are already a doll and do that half the time anyway (thank you, sweetie!)

*help him brush his teeth

*let him pick out a book to read before bedtime. If it is a coloring book, get the crayons and help him color a page, then read or make up a story.

*say his prayers with him

*if it isn't too late, let him choose a movie to put in the DVD player so he won't keep getting up and coming in the laundry room while you're folding the laundry

*fold the laundry

*give the kitchen a once over

*pick things up in den and put them in their place.

*If it is a school night, pack Stephen's lunch and put it in the fridge. Wait! LoL, it's summer, you can skip this one.

*make my coffee for the next morning. I know you don't need coffee to wake up but perhaps after today, you will.

7.) After Stephen is (finally) asleep, talk to me. This means, no watching TV while you yeah-yeah me either! Really, talk to me. (remember, this conversation may be the only adult conversation one of us has had today)

8.) While we're talking, it'd be a good time to get out the paperwork and plan a budget together. I'd really like to show you where our money is going and I'd like for you to decide with me what to cut out in order to save more for our/Stephen's future.

9) Give me your ATM card.

10.) Before you go to sleep, could you rub my back?

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Do you think the hubby would be offended if I seriously printed this list and gave it to him?

Lucy

2007-06-26T23:05:00.000-05:00

I'd like you to meet Lucy.

It's been eight whole months since we lost our Patches and we still miss her terribly. We've said all along that some day when our hearts were ready, we'd adopt another kitten. But, it never felt like the right time. Still, every night when Stephen and I said our prayers, we asked the Good Lord above to send us the kitten that was right for us ... when the time was right.

I guess He decided that last Saturday was the right time. That is when that cute little fur ball in the photo up there wandered into my cousin's yard. One look at her and we couldn't say no.

Lucy (named after I Love Lucy, one of Stephen's favorite classic tv shows) is fitting into our family just fine. She and Stephen are playing with his spoon collection as I type. Yes, I know it's late, but it's summer and he has a new friend.

I hate to cut this update short but it's time to get get his teeth brushed, let him pick out a book and hopefully, get him in bed before midnight.

I hope you're all having a great summer so far.

Y'all take care!

One Worth Sharing ...

2007-05-12T09:06:00.001-05:00

A couple of weekends ago, we went to the used book sale at the library. After having a long conversation with one of the ladies who works there, she managed to talk me into joining the "Friends of the Library" and helping them with the new cookbook next Fall. I told her that if all was well with my mother and my son, I'd be thrilled to help. I didn't mention that I'm also starting back to school next Fall. Well, I'm taking some refresher courses, actually. Business and Accounting. Yuck! I may take another creative writing class just to have something fun to look forward to. As usual, my plate for next fall is piling up. You'd think I'd stop doing that, wouldn't you? By Thanksgiving, I'll be complaining about how busy I am.

Anyway, enjoy the dessert!

This one is a re-post from a long time ago. It's very tasty and very quick/simple.

Peach Dessert

You will need the following ...

* a 9X13 baking dish

* a stick of butter (I didn't say this was going to be low-fat)

* 1-cup of self rising flour

* 1-cup of sugar

* 1-half cup of milk

* 1-tsp. almond flavoring

* 1-large can of sliced peaches (do not drain)

Preheat oven to 350. While oven is preheating, add butter to the baking dish; let butter melt in oven. Careful not to burn the butter.

While the butter is melting, stir the flour, sugar, milk and flavoring together in a bowl. Remove the dish of melted butter from oven and add the batter. Give it a little shake to spread the batter and butter evenly. Pour the can of peaches evenly over the top of the batter. Bake till golden-brown and bubbly on top. The batter will rise above the peaches during baking process.

Serve with vanilla ice-cream.

Note: Use fresh peaches when in season. I peel and slice them before hand and add enough sugar to sweeten them. If you refrigerate overnight, they'll make very sweet syrup. ~ YUM!

Hump Day?

2007-04-25T09:56:00.000-05:00

More like, "funk" day.

I used to look forward to blogging. I would lay in bed at night and write all sorts of cute stories in my head. Some of them even landed in my journal.

I'm a huge whiner in my offline life. That's why I like to take a break from that side of me and write about the good things in my online journal(s). I keep saying, "I'll update my journal when I have good things to blog about." Okay, so when the heck is something "good" going to happen? Huh?

Truthfully, there are a few potential good things in the works right now in our life. But just as sure as I mention them, I'll jinx them and I'm just not willing to take that chance.

Let me get the news over with first:

a) I haven't heard from the good doc, yet. I'll email him as soon as I post this update. I just need to know whether or not my gall bladder is a keeper. If it's in good shape, that's great, but I'm back to square one and will continue the quest.

b) Stephen is still sick. Poor, baby. Not sick enough to go to the doctor or to lay around, but sick enough, they would call me to check him out from school because his nose is so runny. Plus, call me overprotective, I just like having my baby by my side when he's not up to par. We believe he has allergies. You know: runny nose, cough, red eyes, etc. However, it was after 1:00 am before he went to sleep last night and hit the ground running at 6:24 this morning. Something is wrong with this picture. He's been pulling at his right ear. I talked to the doc on the phone and he told me to go ahead and give him the Orapred (I think it is) that I have in the fridge to see if that helps the symptoms. If they come back, bring him in and we'll try another allergy med. My gut is telling me to get him in to see the DR. before the weekend.

So, considering I have no good news at the time, let me share something sweet. This is the peanut butter cookie recipe my mama always made when I was little. Even today, every time I make them, I feel like that four year old with no worries who ate them while I sat under the crabapple tree until I became sick.

Mama's Miracle Cookies (there is no flour in this recipe)

1 cup - peanut butter

1 cup - sugar

1 - egg

1 - teaspoon vanilla

Mix all ingredients together, shape into balls, gently press the tops with fork tines that have been dipped in a little water. Bake at 350 for about 10 minutes. These cookies are so yummy. You'll never miss the flour.

note: I line my cookie sheet with nonstick foil for easy cleanup. Also, this makes a crunchy cookie. If you like them chewy, add up to 2 tablespoons of water.

Waiting ...

2007-04-17T10:53:00.000-05:00

So yesterday I spent the first day of Spring Break at the hospital, having tests done. ... Bummer.

First, the ultra sound, which was either negative or inconclusive. They wouldn't share this information with me. But I know it wasn't positive for gall stones or they wouldn't have had to send me to nuclear medicine to put me through another two and a half hours of a HIDA scan (which was most unpleasant, by the way). ::sigh:: But as a reward for my inconvenience and torture, I stopped by Arby's and ordered a beef and cheddar combo. And, it didn't even make me sick. I was starving to death because I couldn't have anything to eat or drink after midnight on Sunday. I can go without food but I always have water close by. I was parched.

Stephen spent his first day of Spring Break with his daddy. He's coming down with a viral nose and throat thing and I felt it was best to keep him away from mama. He got to go to a meeting with his dad (poor daddy). The VP of a company he's been trying to meet with flew all the way up from Tampa to meet with him. One of those things you just can't rearrange at the last minute. So they treated the nice man to breakfast at ... McDonald's. LoL! Have I ever mentioned that I'm one of those people who has the worst timing you can imagine? Thankfully, the man he met with loves kids and has a few of his own so he was very understanding.

Now, we wait for the results. Of the meeting and the tests.

While we wait, lets take a look at prom pictures.

----------

Somewhere Over The Rainbow Prom 2007 (at the center)

Stephen on the dance floor. Travolta has nothing on him.

I don't think these pretty ladies will mind that I posted this photo of them with this most handsome fella. (I'll post now, ask later) His teachers in grade 4 and 5.

awww, no words needed.

Dancing with Mom. Please try to overlook the fact that mom didn't feel well and it shows.

... The End ...

Update

2007-04-13T10:32:00.000-05:00

I've been putting off this update for two good reasons.

Reason #1 - I don't feel good. I haven't felt good in weeks. (years, really)

Reason #2 - I've been waiting for something good to journal about.

Something good did actually happen. Last week was my son's prom at the center. I took some pain meds and forced myself to go and I'm glad I did. It lifted my spirits to see how happy the children were! I have uploaded the photos and will try to post them soon. So stay tuned!

OK, I'm ready to talk about this. Friends, I've been sick. I've been sick for 6 years. I've been tested and tested and tested. Then, tested some more. I was beginning to think I was losing my mind. I've had so much wrong with my stomach for soooo long, it feels as though I've been beaten and kicked in the stomach and back. Three weeks ago I seemed to get worse over night. All of a sudden, I just couldn't take it anymore. The pain became so intense. I became so depressed, I almost shut down. If I have any friends in my offline life reading this, I apologize for not answering my phone and returning your calls. I have only been returning business calls and only because I have to for the sake of the business. I don't want to talk about it, but I feel that I can write about it. Make sense? I don't know if I'm depressed because I'm so sick or if I'm sick because I am so depressed. I realize the two go hand-in-hand. I think it's possible that after more than 14 years of being primary caregiver, I simply wore myself out. I probably made myself sick by neglecting myself. The hubs wasn't as supportive as I would have liked. Telling me I wouldn't be in this shape if I had taken better care of myself, blah-blah-blah. That's nice. Yet, I know he has a point. But would it kill him to be a little supportive? There's nothing worse than being sick and feeling like you're being punished for it. Anyone who knows me knows that I'm the type who thinks everything is my fault anyway. After hearing that, I only stated this fact: "Yep, you're right. For more than 14 years I've been putting everyone else's needs before my own." Enough of me being the Martyr. My son needs me to take care of myself so I can take care of him. Right now, his needs are the only ones that matter. I've learned that no one is going to love and take care of him like I do so I have to live forever. That's all there is to it.

So I finally broke down and went to our family doctor on Wednesday and after he poked around my stomach and back he's about 99% sure it's my gall bladder. Inflammation would explain the fever I've been having. When it's flared up over the last six years, I would have unexplainable fever, flu-like symptoms and pain. It had actually gotten a lot better and then came back with a vengeance. I'm going Monday to the diagnostic center for tests. As usual, I have bad timing. Our spring break begins on Monday. I have no one to watch Stephen except my poor mama who is doing worse than I am. God bless her, she volunteered to watch him. It's the busy season for my husband, being he's in the construction field. If he isn't on a job site, he's having to work in the fab shop.

I feel like I'm rambling here so I'll wrap this up. My friend Beth told me to try to schedule the surgery (that is if I need the old gall bladder removed) for a Friday so she can spend the weekend with me and help with Stephen. She took an enormous amount of weight off my shoulders by offering to do that. The doc says I should be able to return to work by Tuesday and my mama says that she'll get daddy to bring her over on Monday to help get Stephen ready for school, cook supper and pamper her baby. (awww, that makes me tear up)

So maybe next week I'll finally know what's wrong with my stomach after all these years. I was diagnosed with IBS four years ago. I think that's the label they give you when they don't know what's wrong with your tummy. I've had my gall bladder tested twice and all was okay. But, that was four years ago. To spare you from more of this rambling, I'll go for now.

Y'all take care and I'll upload those photos soon.

Coming Out From Under The Rock ...

2007-03-01T10:34:00.000-06:00

After more than SIX weeks. Just long enough to say hello. Here's what's going on ...

* Does this mean that I have a new computer with DSL? No, it does not. I'm pitiful. I've set aside most of my extra income from cutting hair since last spring to buy a new computer and I haven't done it yet. I procrastinate, even the good things! See, the thing is, I'm also a tightwad. Therefore, I really put off a big purchase until I feel good about it. I just haven't felt good about it, yet. Also, there is this new MS Vista thing that I'm unsure of. Anyone out there upgraded yet? I've just gotten down with XP for goodness sake. Then, I'm kind of looking forward to learning something new. So, I'll probably be making that purchase soon.

* I was forced to slow down for two weeks because Stephen has been sick. He missed all but Friday of last week. I sent him back on Friday and he came home with something new. This Monday when he got off the bus, he was feeling fine and peppy as usual but by supper time, he was out of it. He had a temperature of 101, so I gave him some Motrin and put him to bed. He awoke at 3:30 with a fever so hot it burned my lips when I kissed his forehead. Tuesday was spent going to the pediatrician (again). We're not sure what it was; the only symptom was fever and a general feeling of blah and yuck. He and I spent the entire rest of the day laying on the sofa, watching Noggin and sipping ginger-ale and gatorade. Not that I enjoyed having my baby sick all day, but I did enjoy the fact that he cuddled up to his mama on the sofa. He's getting too big to do that unless he's sick and sometimes I really miss my baby. On his absent excuse, I had them to say that he can go back to school next Monday (even though, he could have gone back today.) Why send him back too soon while his immune system is struggling? Of course this means that I'm going to be way, way behind when next week rolls around. I've been putting off hair cuts to the point my people will be leaving me for Fantastic Sam's. My house will be nothing but a pile of laundry and unopened mail by next week.

* In other news: Central Alabama is under tornado watches and severe storm alerts all day,today! And, we are smack-dab in the middle of Alabama. My mama has been calling me since 2:00 this morning, wanting Stephen and me to come over so I can help her and Otis (the dog) down into the shelter if we happen to have a storm bad enough to seek shelter. And, I assure you, we don't need to be home in such a case anyway. We live in a tornado magnet with eleventy billion trees standing over us. My parents have about 13 or so huge pines surrounding their house, too but they have a basement and underground shelter.

I feel as though I've already lost you because I've been randomly rambling from beginning to end of this update. I'm only on my second cup of coffee and I'm severely sleep deprived. You'll have to forgive me for that. If you're still reading this entry at his point, that means you must really care what is going on with us.

By the way, I forgot to tell you the most important news. My mom's tests are back. The bad news first: The aneurysm has grown since the last scan was done. The good news is: Her lungs have improved a great deal! What this means is, they have no choice; they have to do the surgery. But, she's been smoke-free for about 8 weeks and her lungs are doing so much better. Monday we were at the hospital with my cousin who had surgery (when it rains, it pours in this family) and I noticed that mama walked all the way to where I parked without having to stop and catch her breath. This is HUGE! She's even getting up and cooking daddy's breakfast again! We're trying to keep her outlook positive. Every time she says something negative, I quickly jump in there with something positive to take it's place.

I wish had more time to sit here this morning. I wanted to post a recipe I tried last night and another one from Monday that was pretty good (and easy!) but that will have to wait.

It may or may not be another 6 weeks, but I'll be checking in. Y'all take care!

I'm taking a break.

2007-01-16T08:10:00.000-06:00

Not leaving, just taking a break. I have a lot going on right now and something has to go on the back burner. Unfortunately, it must be the Internet. I'll still be signing on a time or two, weekly. Don't be surprised if I poke my head in your journal from time to time to say hello and don't be surprised if I don't.

I'll get back in touch when:

a) I get a new computer and DSL. I have two older computers with dialup and neither of them are working for me right now. They are so slow. When I say slow, I mean, they are soooo slow, I can type in my password to sign on, go make a sandwich and come back and it's still trying to connect. I'm a very impatient person these days. The slow speed is very frustrating and stressful. Plus, I don't have enough time to carve out of my day for "slow speed" connection. I need to be able to sign on, get the information I need and sign off in the amount of time it takes this computer to connect.

b) Most importantly, time for my mom's surgery is approaching and I want to spend as much time as I can with her. She wants me to help her get her house in order. We are all very concerned as she is facing a very risky surgery.

I'd appreciate all of your well wishes and prayers for my mom and our family.

I'll be back. Really, I will.

Till then, y'all take care!

Update with a few photos

2007-01-01T17:36:00.000-06:00

I have tried and tried (and tried) to find time to update my journal(s). I'll just have to let the pictures say most of it for now.

I hope everyone had a very happy holiday and I pray that you all have a most Healthy and Prosperous New Year!

I have to go for now and serve up the traditional turnip greens and black eyed peas! Plus, sweet potatoes ... although it isn't a Southern tradition as far as I know, it's a tradition of mine. I just cannot eat turnip greens without sweet potatoes.

I best be gettn' to it! ;-) Happy New Year, everyone!

2006-11-24T11:22:00.000-06:00

Most of you have probably read the news about the school bus accident that happened on Monday in Huntsville, Alabama. I couldn't believe I was actually reading THIS ARTICLE this morning about the Hate Group that will be protesting near the funeral of one of the victims today. If you click on the link I provided for the story, you will see that other links are on that page where you can read the entire story. Our governor announced that although America is a free country and this group of protesters are protected under the freedom of speech, they are not invited and they are not welcome. This is one time that I say BRAVO to our governor.

There will be another group attending today; A group who will be guarding the grieving families from the hate group. God Bless the Patriot Guard Riders! They are always welcome in Alabama!

A Subject Very Close To My Heart

2006-11-14T15:07:00.000-06:00

Please take time to read this article. Especially if you live in the state of Alabama.

I often talk about how much I love Alabama. But THIS is one thing I don't love about it and it is a concern that weighs heavy on my mind. A concern that grows deeper every day.

What will it take for our politicians to care enough to do something about this problem?

Chicken Pot Pie

2006-11-02T13:05:00.001-06:00

My family liked this so much, it didn't last long enough for photography. Maybe I'll get a shot next time.

note: If you like spicy food, you may not like this. I don't do spicy because my family can't take it. So to some, this dish may be considered bland, you can add whatever spices your family likes.

Ingredients:

chicken breasts (I used 3, boneless and skinless)
enough chicken broth to cover the breasts, if you're cooking chicken without bones and skin.
diced potatoes and carrots (or whatever veg's you prefer)
chopped onion
chopped celery
minced clove or two of garlic
extra virgin olive oil (for sautéing the celery, onion and garlic)
salt and pepper to taste
a few tablespoons of butter
a few tablespoons of flour
about a cup of chicken broth
about a cup of milk
one pie crust (I used Pillsbury, refrigerated crust)
A deep dish pie pan

Bring the broth to a boil and then add your chicken. Cover and turn down heat. DO NOT boil the chicken rapidly, it will not be tender and juicy. Cover and cook with just a little bit more heat than a simmer.

While your chicken is cooking, throw the potatoes and carrots in a pot of water and cook till tender.
While the chicken and veg's cook, saute your celery and onion in olive oil till transparent, then add your garlic. Careful not to burn the garlic. It's best to turn down the heat before adding the garlic. You don't want any of this mixture to brown. After this is done, I transfer it to a paper towel. NOTE: you can just throw all of this in with the other veg's while they cook, if you'd rather not saute.

After the chicken is done and you have allowed it to cool enough to touch, dice it up and add to a bowl along with the drained veg's, garlic, onion and celery.

I have gotten to the point I absolutely HATE canned soup, so I decided to make my own chicken-flavored cream base for this. If you like the taste of canned cream of chicken soup, knock yourself out, it's way more convenient. Basic white sauce takes a little practice but practice makes perfect, right? Don't feel intimidated. So, here's what you do:

Add the butter and flour to a pan set to medium heat. You can also add your favorite seasoning to the butter and flour, such as poultry seasoning, thyme, etc. I didn't, because like I said, we don't do spicy. You want to let the flour cook in the melted butter for a while or it will have the taste of raw dough. But, you don't want this to brown (unless you're making brown gravy). Whisk in your chicken broth. I used (and I LOVE this stuff!) Knorr concentrated chicken broth, which can be found next to the chicken broth and bullion. It has a rich flavor and all you do is add a little water to it and, voila, you have very tasty broth! You don't want to make your sauce too thin with the broth because you will whisk your milk in last. Let the milk and broth bubble around in the flour and butter till it's as thick as you want. Continue whisking, so it doesn't clump. If it becomes too thick, add more liquid. You just have to use your judgment on this. I didn't really measure the stuff. The sauce-making process should only last a couple of minutes. You don't want to turn your back on it.

Add the sauce to your chicken and vegetable mixture, pour into the pie pan and put the crust on top. Flute the edges of the pie pastry and cut slits in the top so steam can escape. Bake at 450 for about 12-15 minutes till golden brown.

The only complaint I got was that I didn't make enough ...

Patches

2006-10-23T09:16:00.000-05:00

We're keeping this one - He said, as my husband held her up to show me the runt of the litter for the first time. (Which sounded strange, coming from a man who didn't even want a cat when we adopted her mother) Her first meow was almost silent, it was so faint. From that moment on, the two of them became attached. He was the first to see her, the first to hold her. Her first hiding place was his boot; she was so tiny, she could hide right in the toe of it. She was born on June 9th, 2002. We named her Patches. We often laughed at her because she could get herself into some of the most unimaginable predicaments. Just this time last year, we discovered how allergic she was to yellow jackets. We were raking leaves in the back yard, which got them stirred up and angry enough to swarm around us. Patches and Stephen were playing in a pile of leaves when we noticed the yellow jackets. Patches began chasing them which made Stephen laugh so hard, he fell over and nearly lost his breath. I ran to him, picked him up and brought him in the house to protect him from the yellow jackets. I yelled, "come on!" to Patches, but she was having too much fun and ignored me. The next morning, I looked at her and realized her head was too big for her body. We realized that obviously, she must have gotten stung the day before. This was her first visit with the veterinarian for yellow jacket stings, but not the last. Just a couple of weeks ago, we had to take her to him again for the same thing. This last time, her reaction was a little worse but after a day or so, she was back to her old self.

It makes me so sad to type this -- We lost Patches last night. I still can't believe it when I think about it. Yesterday morning around 4:30, she meowed at my husband to let him know that she needed to go outside, like she's done every morning for four years. She usually went outside to do her business and play a little, then she'd come back in by breakfast time. I started calling her yesterday morning and she didn't come. She' s done this before, especially when she was having an extra good time, so I've learned to not be too worried until evening fell and she still hasn't answered our calls. That's what happened yesterday. I stepped outside a few times to call her and she didn't come. The husband got home sometime after 5 from work and I told him that I called her all day and she never came. He began to walk around and called for her. He called and told me that he found her in a tree in the woods behind our house. After he started calling her, he could hear her meowing back to him, like she was pleading for help. He went to borrow a ladder from a neighbor and he wanted me and Stephen to come out to the woods so we could be there to go get help in case he fell because she was pretty high up there. He warned me that this was not your typical, cat in a tree situation. Apparently, she had climbed way up in the tree and fell into the fork in the middle of it and got wedged in it. At that point, we thought the hardest thing was to get her loose and down to the ground. But after he finally unwedged her and climbed down with her, he tried to see if she could walk and she couldn't. When he first climbed down with her, she looked so relieved, but then, within minutes, she started going into shock. He rushed her to the animal hospital. I thought for sure, she had a fracture, but she'd be okay. Then I started thinking about how long she may have been wedged in that position and I started to worry about her circulation. My next thought was, amputation. But I never thought she would develop blood clots that would move to her heart and end her life. I'm guessing that she must have also had some internal injuries from the fall. At about 7:30-ish, the phone rang and it was about her. She's gone, honey. I just watched her take her last breath my husband said as his voice began to shake from trying to hold himself together. He lost that battle when I began to cry. Actually, I was sobbing. He composed himself enough to ask if I wanted to have her cremated or bury her in the yard. I didn't even have to think about it. Even though we're renting and not planning to stay here much longer, this was her home. She loved it here. So, he brought her home, we each said our good-byes and we laid her to rest in her favorite spot in the yard. The spot she liked to lay in and roll in the dirt and play. Stephen was the only one who didn't cry, and that's because he doesn't understand death. He probably thought she was sleeping when he pet her for the last time and his daddy covered her with the blanket. He tried to wake her up. We told him that she's gone, but she'll be waiting for us at rainbow bridge. I don't believe that God would create something that lives, breathes and loves with a heart like ours, and not give them a spirit. I just don't believe that.

We're both very hurt and sad. I can't even bring myself to throw her food and water bowls out yet. I guess that would sound silly to someone who isn't an animal lover. But Patches brought much joy to this home and to say we'll miss her would be an understatement. I didn't sleep well last night and I noticed that the hubs tossed and turned, too. For the first time in a long time, we could both stretch our legs out on the bed without having to worry about kicking Patches off the end of it, and we just couldn't get comfortable not having her there, I suppose. I finally got up at 4:30, which was about the time she always wanted to get up. I watched my husband sleep and I thought about how difficult this must be for him. He was the first one to hold her when she took her first breath and he was the one who held her as she took her last. She loved us all, but he was her pick. That's how she would have wanted it.

Evidence That Fall Is Around The Corner

2006-09-29T09:39:00.000-05:00

When I got up at 5:15 this morning, it was 49 degrees outside. The weather man says the high today will be 73. The older I get, the less I like cold weather (to me, anything under 60 is cold weather!). Summer is my favorite time of year. Even in Alabama where it is so humid in the summer. My knees have been throbbing all week and that is a sure sign that summer is leaving. Old Arthur is knocking.

Tuesday, I swept a lot of dried leaves off the porch. As you can see from the photo up there, a few more had fallen by the time I got home yesterday, along with a few acorns or hickory nuts or ... whatever they are. I do love the color of fall. I'm a colorful person and I enjoy watching the leaves change. Seeing the pretty reds and yellows made me want to get my camera out.

Last Saturday, our Library had their Fall festival which includes pony rides and a used book sale. Stephen goes for the horses, of course. I love the used books and arts and crafts. We've been doing this since he was about five or six. The owners of the horses saw us coming and shouted, "There's Stephen! We were hoping y'all would make it!" I couldn't believe they remembered us by name ... then again, it's hard to forget Stephen. ;-) We paid for three rides and he enjoyed every one of them. Come to find out, they own a ranch close by and the lady has worked with special needs children at the Special Equestrians Foundation,which I've been trying to get him into for the last few years. The reason he hasn't been yet is because they send you a stack of papers as thick as War And Peace to have signed by every doctor and physical therapist he's ever seen. I've gotten about half way through that paperwork. You all know what a procrastinator I am, plus, I suffer severely from adult ADD, so it may never happen. The nice lady who owns the ranch also gives riding lessons! Cool, right? We have her card, she says never mind the mile-high paperwork, just bring him. Upon hearing this, he clapped his hands, very happily. That means, YAY! in Stephen language.

So it's time I sign off and get started on housework. =) Y'all take care!

ps: Apparently, the code isn't working for the photo ... I'll have to go to my website and make sure it's working. Sorry guys :(

Random Questions

2006-09-22T08:35:00.000-05:00

Just to let y'all know I'm still hangin' in there (and because I don't feel like putting a lot of thought into anything right now) ...

When you looked at yourself in the mirror today, what was the first thing you thought?
Ugh!!!

How much cash do you have on you?
about seven dollars

What's a word that rhymes with "TEST"
rest

Favorite planet?
Earth

What is your favorite ring on your phone?
I just have a plain old ringtone

What shirt are you wearing?
black T-shirt

Do you "label" yourself?
Yeah, I do :-(

Name the brand of your shoes you're currently wearing.
crocs (I LIVE in them!)

Bright or Dark Room?
depends on my mood

What were you doing at midnight last night?
sleeping

What's a saying that you use a lot?
The End. As in: Son, you're not eating that on the couch! ... "THE END!"

Who told you they loved you last?
my mama

Last furry thing you touched? my cat, Patches.

How Many Drugs Have You Done In The Past three Days? nothing but caffeine and BC pills. Oh, and advil. Then there was the benedryl last night ... :-/

How many rolls of film do you need to get developed? several, and they're several years old

Favorite age you have been so far? 19

Your worst enemy? myself

What is your current desktop picture? some sort of landscape that was already on the computer

What was the last thing you said to someone? After I am finished with hair cuts this morning, I'll come over and help you with you medicine. Love you, too. Bye --- talking to my mom on the phone.

If you had to choose between a million bucks or to be able to fly, which would you choose? Since I don't like to fly--like, at all--I'll go with the million bucks.

Do you like someone? yes

The last song you listened to? Hang: by Matchbox Twenty

What's your favorite sports drink? Hmm .. can't say I like any of them. I drink a lot of water and tea

Do you download music legally or illegally? I haven't downloaded anything in a long time. Not since I had to give up high-speed connection. :-(

Favorite kind of potato chips? Golden Flake, baby!

What's the one thing you couldn't afford to leave behind on a vacation?
my camera

Can you watch golf on TV for more than 15 minutes?
no, but Ienjoy playing golf even though I'm not great at it

What kind of toothpaste do you use? usually Colgate Total plus whitening

Best pizza place in town? Patera's is GOOD!

How many friends on your MySpace list? nine

How many of those do you know personally? most all of them. Most are relatives.

If you had 24 hours to live, what would you do?
cry, lots. Spend every minute with my family and best friends. If I had an appetite [which, I doubt I would] I'd eat everything I love that isn't good for me.

Coke or Pepsi? either

How bad are your allergies? Pretty bad this week.

Have you ever ridden a mechanical bull? not to my knowledge

If you were working on a pirate ship, what would you most likely be? Probably the cook and maid, that's what I do at home!

What is the most expensive thing you've bought recently? A new bathtub. Sad, isn't it?

Do you remember your favorite book from childhood?
Charlotte's Web!

When was the last time you were scared?
Talking with Mom's surgeon.

Share a random fact about yourself:
I'm very thrifty! I can't stand to buy anything that isn't on sale. The words, "clearance" or "50% off" puts a smile on my face! I love thrift stores and yard sales. But, I refuse to buy useless junk.

Fall Is In The Air

2006-09-06T16:37:00.000-05:00

It's true. Fall is in the air. It dipped down into the mid-eighties yesterday and today. This morning, I didn't even break out into a sweat when I helped Stephen out to the bus. Next thing you know, we'll be breaking out the jackets and sweaters. Then for the longest, we'll have to wear long sleeves in the morning and short sleeves and shorts in the afternoon. Fall and winter in Alabama is always a guessing game. It could be freezing during the holidays or it could be warm. But, no guessing needed in the summer around here. It's hot ... Dang-HOT! You can cut the humidity with a knife. I'm not complaining. I love Alabama, sticky-humidity and all.

I'm due for an update and I have much to say, it's just that ... I don't feel like it right now. I'm still here and we're still hanging in there. Mom is doing okay. Daddy and I took her to meet the surgeon this morning. ... Which is why we've all had a long day and I have a stress headache. So - I'll catch up with you all soon.

Take care!

update

2006-08-23T10:38:00.001-05:00

What's been going on?

The last few weeks have been a blur.

* I survived my birthday, flat tire and all. Managed to spend some time with my non biological twin to celebrate our fortieth. We had delicious food, saw a not-so-great movie and shared many laughs.

* School is officially back in full swing. I hope his experience with seventh grade is smoother than mine was. The school year of 1978/79 was a traumatic year for me. I wouldn't go back and relive that year if you paid me. I still have nightmares about it. I'll spare you the horrid details about the time a group of mean girls beat me up, locked me in the bathroom and took my clothes away from me. I was small for my age, very fragile and painfully shy at the time. I did absolutely nothing to them. They picked on me simply because they could. I was an easy target. No wonder I started falling behind that year ... I was always looking over my shoulder. They made my life a living hell. I still see a couple of these girls from time to time around town. I always remember that horrible year when I see them. Oh, I said I'd spare you didn't I. I'll shut up about that.

* Most importantly, my mother got the news this week she didn't want to hear. The surgeon wants to go ahead and do surgery to repair the aneurysm. It isn't responding to the medication and is growing at a steady pace. I wouldn't be as concerned if she were strong and in good health, but she has gone downhill at a steady pace as well. I'm sure that smoking multiple packs of cigarettes daily has contributed to the decline in her health. The cardiologist told her that he wasn't going to sugarcoat anything, considering the location of the aneurysm and the severity of her condition, it's going to be risky. But without it, she'll surely die. Hearing those words made me feel numb all over. For a moment, I forgot to breathe. Suddenly, all of the issues I've had with my mother seemed so unimportant.

I cooked extra supper last night and delivered their meal. They were pleasantly surprised. If you're reading this, spinthemoon, I cooked your pork chops. or chicken. recipe (the chicken version) they loved it! That's a huge compliment coming from my parents. My mother is a very good cook and they are picky eaters. They ate the chicken and rice without even looking up from their plates until every morsel was gone. They were very pleased that I brought enough for them to have leftovers tonight. :-)

So that about wraps up my update. I will be in and out of my journal community in the weeks/months to come. I would like to take this time to ask you all to send your prayers and well wishes to my Mom and our family during this difficult time. I will update as often as I can.

Turning Forty With An Attitude Of Gratitude

2006-07-25T16:12:00.000-05:00

I've heard this song thousands of times since I was a little girl. Today, I get it.

Time In A Bottle

If I could save time in a bottle
The first thing that I'd like to do
Is to save every day
Till eternity passes away
Just to spend them with you

If I could make days last forever
If words could make wishes come true
Id save every day like a treasure and then,
Again, I would spend them with you

But there never seems to be enough time
To do the things you want to do
Once you find them
I've looked around enough to know
That you're the one I want to go
Through time with

If I had a box just for wishes
And dreams that had never come true
The box would be empty
Except for the memory
Of how they were answered by you

But there never seems to be enough time
To do the things you want to do
Once you find them
I've looked around enough to know
That you're the one I want to go
Through time with

I have arrived at the realization that life doesn't go on forever. Isn't it funny how, when we are young, time goes by so slow? We have all of our goals and dreams in front of us and we are so impatient to see them come to pass. Remember how slow time passed? Such as ... waiting for the ice cream truck, waiting for Friday to get here, summer vacation, the Holidays, and yes, our birthdays. Remember when you didn't think your sixteenth birthday would ever get here? Then, your eighteenth, your twenty first. I stopped feeling all giddy about birthdays around the age of twenty seven because I knew I was approaching thirty and thirty was the year I was supposed to have this and that accomplished, or, at least thirty was to be a benchmark for me. Wait. Didn't I just turn 30 last year? Where did those 10 years go? In those ten years, a lot has changed. Physically, that is. My situation is still the same though. ::sigh:: I'm a planner. There is nothing worse or more depressing to a planning, control-freak than not seeing those plans achieved. A good friend sent me a card that reads, "Forty is Fabulous." I needed to hear that and more importantly, I need to agree with it. Because I've been feeling that for me, Forty is Failure. Forty was the big one in my eyes. (Imagine how I'll feel at 50 and so on if I keep this up) Since I hadn't achieved any of my goals, (except for having a baby, that is, which is the best thing I've ever done) by the time I was thirty, I had given myself another ten year grace period to make those dreams come true. Well, as of yesterday, those ten years are up. Ten years ago, we moved here to save money for our "dream home" and I'll be totally honest with you, we haven't saved one red cent. I had planned to go back to work, but I was living in denial, thinking that Stephen's health was going to improve and maybe he'd "grow out of it." One positive thing has happened over the last decade: I've accepted the truth. Acceptance of imperfection is hard on a perfectionist. I've mastered that one. Took many years of depression and a few years of self-abuse and within a hair of complete self destruction that I won't mention at this time, but I have finally accepted my hand and even more, I appreciate it. Yes, I said that. I appreciate it. I feel that nothing is by accident. Even when we don't know who we are, where we are or where we're going, God knows. He also cares. Not only that, but he has it all under control IF we let go of the reigns. Whew! What a relief! It's a relief to let go of a life that I totally screwed up, trying to do it all myself and put my future in the hands of someone who does have forever on their side and who is actually capable of miracles. The pressure is off.

So, what started out to be the dreaded fortieth, wasn't so bad. I had hoped for some kind of epiphany and I choose to see the bright side. I wasted so many years dwelling on the future and reliving the past mistakes, I forgot what it's like to live in the moment or how to enjoy it. Stephen has taught me to do that again. Like I said, when you're a planner, a control freak, it's hard to let go. But that is my new goal in life. My goal is to enjoy, appreciate and take one day at a time. Learning and growing in spirit. Spending time with my family and friends. My new goal involves dwelling on things that really are important and I want to let go of the pressures of society. Materialism. If you don't have "things," if you are what society calls, "poor" and you allow it get you down and let it identify you, you are just as materialistic as someone who has it all and keeps wanting more. I choose to let go of stuff, or the desire thereof and concentrate on family. I want to spend my time enjoying life, not regretting it.

~ Maybe now that I'm letting go, the writer's block will subside. Maybe I can finally finish that dusty novel on the shelf that I gave myself till age forty to finish. (?) Well, it's a thought. No pressure. If it's meant to be, the words will come to me. Meanwhile, I will sign off of here, and register my son for seventh grade today! Maybe take him to his favorite restaurant. McDonalds.

Forty!?! Bring it on! I can handle it. :-)

Edit: Hah! I have to tell you this. After I signed off and went to the middle school, the bank, McDonalds, etc today, I turned on my street and heard a thump, thump, thump ... I had a flat tire. My cell phone was dunked in a glass of iced tea (twice) by you-know-who (Stephen, for those of you who do not know) and I had no way to call out for help. So I drove the doggone truck in the driveway and um, it was off the rim. (oops!) After repeating several bad words in front of my child's tender ears, I took a deep breath and remembered that I was going to start looking at the bright side. Tomorrow Stephen has an appointment in B'ham with his cardiologist. Thank God this didn't happen tomorrow. It didn't happen while on the busy highway earlier today. (I swear, the tire wasn't even low when I left the bank!) When I said, "Forty, bring it on!" .. I think it heard me ...

Thought for the day: Be ready and willing to back up what your big mouth says. Oh, and, if you cuss in front of your child, you should pray for forgiveness in front of them too, so they know that you make mistakes and need forgiveness from time to time, just like everyone else.

Facing Your Problems (and confusion) Straight On

2006-06-30T12:59:00.000-05:00

Meet Patches, the family feline. Amazingly sociable and friendly, yet, fearless. Patches just turned four years old this month. Because we live in the country, she is an indoor/outdoor cat. We couldn’t turn her into a little princess if we tried. There’s too much to do out here in the woods. Patches has field mice to chase and ground squirrels to torment (she leaves these victims at our front door as gifts) Another thing about Patches, she suffers from gender confusion. She believes she is a tomcat. Her best friend is the neighborhood tom, who has taught her everything he knows about being a tomcat, including spraying things to mark her territory. Oh, nothing happens when she thinks she is spraying something, but she‘s making her point well known.

I will give you another tidbit of information, Patches behaves very much like a dog. That could be because we’ve never been cat people, we were dog people. We adopted Patches’ mother four and a half years ago when she wandered upon our porch one night, skinny and starving. We treated these cats the only way we knew to treat a pet. Like a dog. Our neighbors seem to get a kick out of the fact, Patches follows us everywhere we go. We walk around the neighborhood, she follows us just like … a dog. When it’s time to go home, we whistle and say, “Patches, come!” and she always obeys the command. When she has to do her business, she scratches on the door to let us know and we open it for her go outside. She's never even seen a litter box. But that is where her similarity to the canine ends. By no means does she care to socialize with the neighborhood dogs. In fact, she is a bona fide dog-hater. If we didn’t know that before, we know it now. We have two new dogs in the neighborhood. A black lab and a white lab. Ebony and Ivory, we call them, although we have no idea what their real names are. In the photo above, you can see that she didn’t take a liking to Ivory and was defending her territory last Friday. No way was she going to let Ivory come on the porch to play with her family. NO-WAY! She nipped that little problem right in the bud. Today however, was a different story. Ebony bypassed Patches somehow, came on the deck and had the audacity to eat her tuna and liver flavored cat food! Paul got home and caught him in the act, just as he was finishing off his meal with her water! Poor Patches, just waking from a little cat nap was down in the yard looking up at Ebony in disbelief, then at Paul in disgust as if to say, “Your going to let him get away with that? You coward! Do I have to do everything around here?” Patches arched her back like a cat and growled like a dog until Ebony decided he’d had all the fun he could stand, then he barked at her and left. I don’t know if Ebony or Patches won that battle. He did leave after she warned him, yet he’d already helped himself to her lunch. So that’s a tough call. Ivory has only come back as close as the driveway, but he’s refused to enter the yard after their standoff last week (which you see up there in the photo) Patches won that battle, hands down.

That’s what I admire about Patches. She may be confused about her gender and she may behave a little like a dog, but she knows that this is her home, by-golly, and no dog is going to come into her yard if she can help it. Of all the times I’ve seen her approached by dogs, I’ve never seen her back down. She stares them down until eventually, they leave.

Five things I’ve learned from my cat:

1. The one who meows the loudest, gets the milk.

2. If you never back down, you’ll win your battles.

3. If you waste your time sleeping, somebody will come along and stomp all over your territory. Stay awake, be watchful!

4. You don’t have to be a male to know your territory and how to claim it

5. If you’re treated like a dog, you’ll act like one.

I Am Still On Planet Earth ...

2006-06-15T22:01:00.000-05:00

I tried to post this entry yesterday but my aol browser was not working. It still isn't, but I am posting through Internet Explorer. It's a pain but this motivates me to go computer shopping. By the way, this is my first post to my AOL journal since they've added all the new tools. ... CoooL! :-)

here goes ~

Just to prove that I haven't fallen off the face of the earth and to include my AOL-J friends in my latest happenings (however boring my life may be) - I have decided to finally update my aol journal and my other, non-aol journal. By the way, If you are not an AOL member and wish to access my non-aol journal, Email me (aims814@aol.com) and I will send you the link. For some reason, my AOL-J friends are having trouble accessing my other journal and vise versa. Being the people-pleaser that I am, I am now going to have two journals. It shouldn't be that difficult. Type my entry in MS Word, copy and paste to AOL and other (new) journal, right? Hmm, well, we'll see.

So summer is here and I'll have even less time now to surf the net and update my journal(s) but I am going to try. When I have time, I'm going to buy a new computer because this old one has dealt me fits for too long now and that is another huge reason why I am spending less time online. Since too much time has passed since my last update, it'd take more time than I have for online playing today to catch up. This is what I will do instead - - If you've seen the movie, "Because Of Winn Dixie" you'll get it. It occurred to me that in my three years of online blogging, I really don't get into details about me. So if you're interested:

- Ten Things About Me -

1. My birthday is July 24th. Next month I am turning 40. Saying that almost makes me hyperventilate. (oops, that was two things in one)

2. I don't own a house yet, and the thought of not doing so before I'm 40, really depresses me. I have exactly 40 days left to do something about that. :-/

3. (I'm already running out of things to say) Oh! -- I talk to myself too much.

4. I also answer myself. (That's normal, right?)

5. I am still very close to my two best friends from childhood. I've been told that this is rare and very special. I know for sure that they are.

6. I am a true Alabamian. I was born here. I love it here and I never want to move. I've moved out of state twice and I was very homesick both times.

7. I have Irish and Cherokee blood for sure and I'm uncertain about the rest. I keep saying I'm going to dig deeper into my ancestral roots, but who has time? It is something I really want to make a priority.

8. I live in fear most of the time. Of what, I am not sure. I am a creature of habit and anything unfamiliar terrifies me. I was raised to fear (among hundreds of other things) driving and water. Therefore, I hate to drive outside of my city limits and I hate to be in water that is more than waste-deep. I swim like a rock.

9. The above statement makes me feel very angry towards my mom because when I was young and wanted to do those things, she wouldn't let me. She convinced me that I couldn't do them. I've believed her ever since. Isn't it funny how it's easier to believe the negative? Especially when it comes from a parent? I realize that those are her fears, passed down and she thought she was protecting me.

10. Even though I am afraid to drive, I love to travel (as long as someone else is doing the driving) I love the ocean, the lake, and even the pool (the wading pool, that is) I just don't want to get in too deep. Such is life for me. I don't want to get into anything too deep. I guess that would be a fear of intimacy? Commitment? Add those to my long list of fears.

Reading over numbers 8-10, I realize they are all very good reasons to seek therapy.

... I've said too much already and I am sure panic and regret will rush all over me the moment I click the save button. I should have signed off long ago. My online time is over for today but I am going to get the camera out, and try to get back to my old self, soon. I hope to do some photo-journal stuff again, very soon. I have missed photography and writing. I'm rusty at both. Have a great summer!

Okay, Okay - Part 2 Already

2005-11-10T09:04:00.001-06:00

Okay ... I heard y'all. Sorry about that. It really wasn't my intention to leave you hanging like that.

Meet, Jean - That beautiful lady in the photo with Stephen up there is Jean. She's so much more than respite provider. She's family now. Stephen adores her! She has been working with him for almost 10 months now. Gosh, I didn't realize till just now, how long. We've never had anyone stick with us that long. We've never been able to depend on anyone else to take care of him like she does. On a regular basis, that is. My mom used to help from time to time, but hasn't physically been able to in a long time. Speaking of my mom, she could really use prayer. She finds it hard to just get out of bed and walk down the stairs. I hurt for her and I'm angry with her all at the same time, for she still refuses to even try to quit smoking. She knows that she has an aneurysm and emphysema, still, she keeps puffing away and has given up on life. It is hard for me to be around her for long periods of time, I catch myself wanting to shout at her or shake her, just to get some sense into her. She can't have a conversation for coughing to the point she loses her breath. If a friend comes to visit, she won't go to the door. She's just staying in bed, wasting away. At this rate, she won't be with us much longer. ::sigh:: I can't talk about this anymore. I've gotten off the "happy" subject anyway. I'll continue ...

Now, the rest of the story. I was saying that Jean led us in prayer about the waiver denial. I got the phone call on Monday from Stephen's case worker and we saw Jean on Tuesday and broke the news to her. We formed a circle, all 4 of us, Stephen included, and prayed about it. [Of course, Stephen's attention span is even worse than mine and he decided to go to his room and get lambchop to throw around while the grownups prayed.] I felt a calmness after she prayed that prayer and I knew that no matter what happened, all was going to be okay. If Stephen lost his medical coverage, God would provide a way for us to afford his medication. I slept good that night. The next day [Wednesday], I decided to ask God for favor in this situation. Stephen's dad was here and he heard me say, "Let's put Joel Osteen's theory to the test. [I've been reading his book, Your Best Life Now) Let's keep this positive attitude going and be thankful in advance that it will work out. I pray that Stephen's case will land on the desk of someone in Montgomery to review, and that person will have a desire that they can't explain to look into this case and want to help Stephen." That's the last time we spoke of it. On Thurday, Stephen's case worker called and wanted to know if I was going to appeal Medicaid's decision. I said, "no, it's hard to argue with them since they changed the guidelines and I just don't have the strength for the fight. We're going to leave it in God's hands." [At first, I was going to appeal it, but then I had the feeling that all was going to work out, no matter what and if I had written for an appeal, it would be tied up for a long time. We would have to go to Montgomery before the board and to tell you the truth, I don't have the energy for that. So, we just left it in God's hands.]

A week went by. The following Friday, I got a phone call from Stephen's case worker again, and she said, "Mia, this is ________. You guys have been praying haven't you? My mouth just sort of dropped open and I asked her what was going on and she said, "I just got a call from ______ in Montgomery and she said, "I'm looking at the Stephen______ case and I can't explain why I feel this way, but ... I feel that we have moved in haste when we denied him. Can you tell me anything else about this child so that we can get this resolved for him? She told her, "Well, his mother mentioned that he has a heart and lung disorder that isn't on his paperwork. We have his primary diagnosis as Cerebral Palsy, but believe me, even though he is able to walk, and he's not being fed through a G-tube, this child is never going to be capable of living alone. He'll always need someone to take care of him. His mother is his primary caregiver and I hate to see her lose the 7 hours of respite, and the cost of the medication alone will break them. What can I do to help him stay on the program?" The woman told her to talk to Stephen's Dr and find out all she can about his Pulmonary Artery Sling. [that's the name of his heart/lung disorder] She said, "Mia, this is not a promise, but it sure sounds hopeful. It's better than the news we got last week, and I'll tell you, I've never seen them do anything like this! When they make up their minds in Montgomery, it's done." Well, my jaw was still on the floor from hearing the exact words, "I can't explain why I feel this way, but..." The hair on the back of my neck was standing straight up. I had goose bumps. I knew that not only was everything going to be okay, but more importantly, God heard my exact words when I prayed that prayer just a week ago and those exact words came back around to me. Donna and I got our thoughts together, she was going to hang up, call Stephen's Dr and fax this info ASAP to Montgomery. Stephen's services were due to end on Monday [Halloween] That Monday, his case manager called me and said, Happy Halloween! This is no trick, but a treat, Stephen's case has been been redetermined, he's not going to lose his medical waiver and services! Isn't God, good?" I was so happy, tears of joy filled my eyes again, but I wasn't in shock. When I got the call from her on the previous Friday, that was the confirmation I needed. Our prayers were heard. On Friday, I accepted that this was going to work out for Stephen. I had no doubt that Stephen had the favor of God.

Until this happened, I'll tell you the truth - - My spirit felt as dry as the Autumn leaves I walked on the other morning in the woods. My soul was thirsting for reassurance that God was still there, that He could hear me. I felt so separated from Him at times. Now I am reminded that not only is He out there, somewhere ... He really does walk with me.

He Walks With Me And He Talks With Me ...

2005-11-07T22:30:00.000-06:00

I tried to post this entry this morning, after my walk. But as I was typing, I got knocked offline. Then, the hubs got here and asked me to follow him to the transmission place. Long story short, we were driving home the other night and the transmission in my truck freaked out on us. You didn't know that I drive a truck? Well, I told you I live in the uh, woods, didn't I? The photo above is my back yard. Actually, it's behind our back yard. And while I'm correcting myself, I might as well also add that is isn't ours. The property, all hundred-something acres belongs to our landlord. But, we live here, go for walks in the woods and even got one of our Christmas trees from these woods a few years ago. Gee, I sure hope my landlord doesn't read my journal ... The truth is, Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was prettier. It was almost dead anyway. We had waited too long to get a tree, it was almost Christmas and come to think of it, I don't think it was his property, I think we may have wandered away from his property ... anyway ... I can't remember where I was going with all of this. I'm getting off the subject again. Forgive me, I'm terribly sleep deprived. I was making a lot of sense this morning with this and now, I can't stop yawning, my eyes are tired and my shoulders are burning. Oh my goodness, and it isn't even 10 O'clock yet. I'm too young to feel this old.

I do remember that along with the photo up there, I was going to list this scripture: 2nd Peter 5:6-7 [6] Humble yourselves therefore under the mighty hand of God, that He may exalt you in due time: [7]Casting all your care upon Him; for he careth for you. (KJV)

A few weeks ago, we were given some very bad news. Stephen's state medical waiver had been denied. Federal and state guidelines have been changed due to the fact, the money just isn't there to cover all elderly and disabled children. So, in order to keep the programs going, they have to do a lot of cutbacks. Stephen didn't meet the new guidlines. They said he isn't critical enough. If you've been reading this journal for a while, you know that Stephen has to take medication every day to control his seizures. What I probably haven't mentioned is, these medications total about $800 per month. That's not including his other meds which are only around $100 total. For all of his meds, we're talking, close to $1,000 a month. Have I also mentioned that we're not rich? We were also going to lose our respite provider who, if not for her, we'd never have a night out to be a couple. Every marriage needs that, but when you are parents of a child with multiple disabilities, it's crucial. The divorce rate of parents with a disabled child is about 80-90%. We've been there too. But we also realized that Stephen's family is ALL he has. He's been robbed of so much already, we are determined he isn't going to lose his family. It hasn't been easy. But a few months ago, we found a trustworthy respite provider and we've been mending our broken home. Respite providers cost money, medicine costs a lot of money. You'd have to be wealthy to afford what insurance doesn't cover in our situation. What could we do when we got the news? First, I cried. And cried. And cried. Then, I cried some more. Our respite provider and good friend said nothing when we told her, she just reached for our hands and said, "Let's pray about this." That was two weeks ago.

I'd love to continue with this, but it's time for sleep. I feel I'm not making sense tonight. I'll continue this story/testimony soon. Don't worry, it has a good ending. :-)

Take care!

HAPPY HALLOWEEN!

2005-10-31T22:51:00.000-06:00

Better late than never, I suppose ...

The last few weeks have been most challenging, but we're doing much better now. I'll save the details for another time.

Stephen has been sick but is feeling better today and was able to go trick-or-treating around the block tonight. A new thing for us was going "trunk-r-treating" at our church after the trip around our block. The children's church staff held a cool event indoors for the kids and after the program, everyone decorated their cars and handed out candy from the trunks. Some of the mini van people even had buckets of water and apples so the kids could go "bobbing for apples." (no, thanks. that never was for me.) Stephen was exhausted when we got home. After he ate a Peanut Butter Cup (bless his heart, that's all he wanted), his dad gave him his bath while I put this little graphic together up there of Stephen and our pumpkin. In case you're wondering, he was a scaredy-pumpkin. The little thing is sleeping like a baby now. I'm still trying to decide on whether or not he'll go to school tomorrow. I'm leaning towards seeing how he is and then just check him in if he's okay.

Please keep him in your prayers. He's a tough little dude and I know he'll be just fine. He's getting over a virus and just doesn't feel like himself yet.

Hope you all had a nice Halloween. We'll update ASAP. Right now, mommy is pretty tired as well. :-)

Goodbye to Summer. A Recipe. A Chat with my Cousins.(all rolled into one)

2005-09-23T13:53:00.001-05:00

I am sad that summer is officially over. Although the temperature today is in the mid 90’s with moderate Alabama humidity, the truth is, it‘s Fall! I meant to post this recipe way back in the summer, but other things (such as, parenting Stephen) took priority. This weekend, we, as a family will officially say goodbye to summer. Tonight, we're going to the County Fair, and tomorrow, we'll be attending a festival at our town Library. Stephen’s favorite part about the festival? The pony rides. My favorite? The used books sale! Yes!

A note about the following recipe, a little about my grandmother and a chat with my cousins about the family cookbook:

My Maw Maw was a fabulous old-time Southern cook, famous in these parts for her cobblers and other Southern specialties. Unfortunately, Maw Maw took most of her recipes and kitchen secrets to her grave with her. This is why I encourage everyone to take part in my not-so-annual family cookbook. I haven’t updated our family cookbook since way before Maw Maw passed on. I started writing it in 1989 and Christmas 1990, I started my family tradition. My intent was to give this book to every woman in my family and update it every Christmas after that. I got a little sidetracked and didn’t continue the tradition until, I think 1995 and then one more addition in 1997. For those family members who keep up with this journal, get to typing and e-mailing! We have a few new cooks in this family now and we need to teach them the tricks of the trade! And, hey … let’s face it ladies, they can probably teach us, “old-timers” a thing or two. Did I just call us, old-timers? I digress. Getting back to the subject of the cookbook --- I speak for all of us when I say, I wish I had Maw Maw’s recipe for … I learned that if you wanted to know Maw Maw’s recipes, you had to hang around with her in the kitchen and make mental notes as she prepared the goodies. I don’t care how many times I asked her for a recipe, her answer was always, “Oh, I don’t know. I don’t really have a recipe. I just add a little of this and that.” One of my favorites was her cobbler. To the best of my recollection, this is her Peach Cobbler recipe. I added a few touches of my own. For example, Maw Maw would never use refrigerated piecrust! But, did they have prepared piecrust in stores in her day? I wonder if she would have taken a shortcut, had one been available? I somehow doubt it. I’ve tried quite a few of them and none compare to her hand-rolled, homemade pie crust. For the record, I can make homemade piecrust, but I don’t have time anymore. I must admit something here. I made this Peach Cobbler and it was very good. I just realized, I didn’t jot down the recipe as I made it up! (doh!) As you read the recipe in the You’ve Got Pictures album, you’ll see that I sound a little like Maw Maw without even trying.

Maw Maw’s Peach Cobbler Recipe (or, not) To The Best Of My Recollection

You will need:

*A basket of fresh peaches HINT: make sure they’re ripe and soft. Soft peaches, sweet peaches. Hard peaches, not so sweet.

*A stick of (real) butter

*Sugar to taste for sprinkling on the crust

* Refrigerated pie crust (or make your own if you wanna make me look bad)

*Vanilla or Almond flavoring, if you like.

Directions:

Peel and slice the peaches. Cover the bowl and put in fridge all day or over night. They will be very sweet and moist after this step, so don’t add your sugar just yet. To tell you the truth, I don’t think I even had to add sugar to mine.

By now, the fruit should be very moist in it’s own syrup. Taste the peaches (not to the extreme Stephen did. Be sure to save enough for everyone else) This is when you’ll add your sugar and flavoring. Almond flavoring goes better with peaches than vanilla flavoring, in my opinion.

Preheat your oven to 350°

Melt some butter in the bottom of your cobbler dish (about 2 tablespoons) and melt some separately, for brushing the piecrust with. Add about a cup of peaches to the butter and put a piecrust on top. Brush the crust with butter, sprinkle with sugar. Put this in the stove and watch it carefully, not to let it get too brown. You don’t want it to be very doughy. If you don’t brown the crust layers, it’ll be too doughy. This is one of the few things Maw Maw told me about it. After I asked, “Maw Maw, why are you doing that?” when I was about six years old, standing in her kitchen. Again, I digress…

By the time you have finished, your cobbler will have 2-3 layers, ending with the crust, of course. Best served with vanilla ice cream and a cup of Red Diamond® coffee, just like Maw Maw used to make!

In my whole life, I’ve never seen another cobbler done like this. Most others have one crust on the top. By the way, you really want those peaches to be syrupy for this recipe, or it’ll be dry. Just so you know ….

One more reminder to my cousins: Be thinking about your favorite recipes and send them to me, please. As a bonus, let’s all, to the best of our recollection, share Maw Maw’s recipes we were able to pick up from watching her.

For everyone else in J-land, sorry to bore you with the family announcement. But do try the recipe!

Husbands. You Gotta Love'em

2005-09-16T09:39:00.001-05:00

Those who have me on alerts, sorry for any editing I have to do. Can anyone tell me why, when I copy and paste from MS Word, the paragraphs get all jammed up after I save to my journal? I always have to go back and "fix" it after it's been saved. On with the story ...

The hubs had to be on the job-site a little early this morning, so his alarm clock woke us up sometime after 5:00. My alarm always chimes in at 6:00 on the dot. This morning, however, I got up when his clock radio went off and I stumbled to the kitchen to turn my coffee on. When he noticed that I was awake, he says, "honey, it's only 5:30. Why don't you go back to bed till your alarm goes off? You don't have to get up just because I am up." Sounds good to me. I was more than happy to do so. A few minutes went by and although I think I am dreaming, I realize I'm not .. he's asking me a question ....

Him: Hey, have you seen my phone?

Me: No. Look on the desk.

Him: (yelling from the living room, which is close to Stephen's room) It isn't there!

Me: Maybe it's in your truck.

Him: Huh?

Me: MAYBE, IT'S IN YOUR TRUCK!

Him: (Comes in the room) Where?

Me: ::sigh:: Why don't you dial your number and listen for it?

Him: Dials the number. (Can't hear it anywhere in the house.)

Him: Oh, I bet I left it in the truck.

Me: (beginning to feel like I'm in an, "I Love Lucy" episode)

Him: (Goes outside, comes back in.) Hey, it was in the truck.

Me: ::sigh:: You don't say!?!... (with just a hint of sarcasm)

We say our goodbyes.

A few minutes go by ...

Him: (coming back in the house) Hey! Do we have any bandages? [all joking aside, the poor thing got a nasty burn at work last night]

Me: (I can't believe this!) YES!!!

Him: (coming back in the room) Hey, do we have any bandages?

Me: Yes.

Him: Where are they?

Now, he's lived here just as long as I have. Why doesn't he know where we keep things like that?

Me: The medicine cabinet! (as I throw the blanket from myself and jump to the floor, thinking, "Oh-My-Gosh!!! Are you kidding me?")

I opened the medicine cabinet, hand him the box of large bandages and walk back to the bedroom.

Him: (I swear, really he did) Do we have any tape? (just as I was getting back under the blanket)

Me: LOL! (I'm laughing in a semi-crazy, lunatic sort of way by now. I don't know whether to laugh, cry or cuss.)

I got up, knowing we didn't have any of "that kind" of tape. I walked over to the drawer where we keep the tape, batteries, etc. and found some painter's tape. and gave it to him. I explained this is all I could come up with and I hope it'll work.

Him: (He bandaged himself up, walks out and sees me drinking my coffee and watching the morning news.) Honey, what are you doing up? Why didn't you go back to bed?

Me: A blank stare as a million ugly words come to my mind but I didn't say any of them.

After all, seriously - the man got hurt at work last night, didn't complain as much as I would have with a burn like that. He's been working literally from daylight to dark for weeks. What do I have to complain about?

[anyone who personally knows us, will understand that statement]

I'm not sure when ithappened, but somewhere along the way, we have started "growing up." The old me would have pitched seven duck fits in a row. ... And he wouldn't have cared (or known) what time I got up.

Still taking it one day at a time ...

-----------------------------------------

I'll be back soon with some helpful links

Week Two After Katrina

2005-09-12T14:10:00.000-05:00

With my friend, Brenda's permission, I am posting a message at the bottom that she mailed out to the LISTSERV (the other day. Sorry it's taken me so long to do this) Stephen's dad and I have been so shocked and confused till our brains were a little foggy about what we can do to help. Last Sunday, our church took up a collection to help one of our fellow-churches in Mississippi that was hit very hard. Some of the members were still missing and they were waiting to hear about them. Some of the members have come to the B'ham area till they can figure out what to do next. But we still felt we'd done nothing. From the time we became aware of the mass destruction, our hearts went out to everyone. But there is another family that we are a part of, and that is families of disabled children. What's a parent to do when something like this strikes? The stress involved when you have typical children is hard enough. Now, imagine you have a child (or adult family member) with special needs. Who is nonverbal. Who cannot function when their routine is upset in the least. I can only fathom so much and then my mind just won't let me go there. Everyday life under "normal" circumstances is hard enough, but when that routine is turned upside down and shattered ... So - instead of allowing myself to dwell on the negative to the point of a breakdown, I decided to get active. What would "we" need in a situation like this? What are some things that Stephen must have daily in order to not only remain healthy by taking his meds on time but his emotional health, His parent's emotional health. Stephen is not the type of child who can mingle with other children and play games or color in a coloring book in a corner. He needs his own world. his own way. Things that wouldn't even enter another childs mind are things that Stephen strives on. Spoons, for example. Stephen thinks he must have several metal spoons and a container to sort them in. (stimming, we call it) Each child is different. Children with autistic-like behaviors although alike in many ways, are so different and unpredictable. Thinking of my brothers and sisters in the Gulf area makes me want to do all I can to help them and their children. So, if anyone from the LISTSERV is directed to this journal through Brenda/Magnolia Angels, please E-mail me about your special child and let me help. Our church is a very generous congregation who loves children. Stephen's school is full of compassionate parents and teachers. I'll do all I can to get the message out and send supplies, etc.

Now - Brenda's message and her list of ideas.

----------------------------------------------------------------

I really appreciate the e-mail and all the prayers and support.We are in good shape here. We have our electricity and phone service. It may be forever before we have cable which in our area means no television. Jonathan is watching movie after movie. Groceries are starting to come back but shipments are sporadic and the shelters are in need as well. I believe there will be a continuous need for help but that many needs will not be realized until weeks or months from now. Everyone has been great. Companies are helping their employees when they can. Churches, organizations and individuals are all doing as much as possible. Communities out of the disaster area are adopting communities in the disaster area. I appreciate all the efforts from the list and the individual families. I have personally received many e-mails and phone calls. This has been a tremendous blessing.The emotional and inspirational support is just as important. It has a far great impact on a family for years to come. Many of you want to know how you can help. I may make a few suggestions Dry goodsNon-perishable itemsHygiene products( hair & tooth brushes, deodorant, tooth paste, wipes, hand sanitizer etc.)Books, crayons, puzzles. board games, bubbles. etc. Things to entertain that do not require electricity. School suppliesRelaxing, pick me ups etc, that parents will not have the money or time to go buy or even think of right now.Journals and pensGift cards( food or dept. stores)Disposable camerasStationary and Postage stampsEvery day items that you would use but may not think of or miss until the item is needed* For those getting mail send a card saying hello. This can be kept and reread. Some people may have children with birthdays coming up. ( Grandparents Day is Sunday. Halloween is close. We will still be in disaster mode at Thanksgiving and Christmas) Another important thing you can do for all of us and each other is pace yourself. Take care of yourself. This isn't a short term problem and as the days pass they will have stories to tell, questions to ask and will need support and advice.Some will live in new communities and will have new doctors or school systems etc. They will be need your help then too. Thanks so much. Brenda -----------------------------------------------Brenda, if you read this, we are shopping for pullups, wipes and ointment again tomorrow. Please forward that address to me (again) I've lost it in the clutter of mail I have printed. Keeping all in our prayers, Mia and family ~ ps ~ I'd appreciate any good vibes and prayers you could send my way. Most of you know, Stephen is more than half my size and I pulled my back out last night, somehow. He's very ambulatory and keeps me running, and redirecting him. Picking him up, a lot of the time. Not sure how I did it, but I did it again. thanks!

We're Okay

2005-09-02T22:20:00.000-05:00

I apologize for not posting this sooner. I've responded to most everyone's e-mails to let you know we're okay. (I'll get around to each of them soon) But in case you're still wondering ... We're doing fine. We only lost our power and cable tv, and only for a short time at that. We were actually out of town, on our way back home. We managed to stay about 2 hours ahead of the storm. It was getting bad as we were leaving out of Mississippi on Monday. We didn't get home in time to prepare for very much. We did stay at my parents for a short time but Stephen doesn't do well when we're not home and he's not in his own surroundings. (unless he's in a hotel. The kid LOVES hotels. Go figure.)

I'll try to come back to my journal and post some helpful links for those of you in the B'ham area. I know of a few churches who are taking needed items to the gulf, our church included. Please e-mail me any news from your church/organization and I'll pass on what I can. Thanks for all of the prayers and helpful offers. Our prayers are with those who are in need at this time.

Mia and Family ~

Back To School

2005-08-17T13:53:00.000-05:00

Yes, believe it or not, it's back-to-school time! You'd think that I'd have time to do some updating and journal surfing, but school just started back last Wednesday and I've been too tired. No, that's an understatement. I'm exhausted! Summer has wiped me out. Stephen has already missed one day of school. Today was his annual neurology appointment. All is going well. He's grown a little taller and gained a little weight since last year. Just look at him up there in the photo taken yesterday ... he'll be as big as me before we know it. The Dr. upped his seizure medicine dosage, according to his growth/weight-gain and wrote a new prescription for something that should help another problem that has been getting progressively worse. I'll get into that at another time. I just don't want to go there right now. To tell you the truth, I have been slacking on my iron supplements and I don't have the energy to get into much right now. ::yawn:: I'd give anything for an afternoon nap like my mama used to take every day. Lucky for her, I could come home from school and pretty much take care of myself and go outside alone, unsupervised.

edit: Well, the DH is home from work early! Maybe that nap can be arranged! Whoohoo! (not holding my breath) lol - I'll check back in asap.

Dennis The Menace!!!

2005-07-09T23:55:00.000-05:00

Just a quick update. (who knew I'd make the time?) We were unable to go on our road trip after all yesterday afternoon. The hubs didn't get home from work until 9:30 last night. He's working on a new Walmart Super Center and his deadline is Monday. So - he put in 13 hours yesterday to have that out of his way. He was so disappointed that Stephen was disappointed, he wanted to try to go today. We checked the weather and really thought things were not going to get bad until late tomorrow. We heard wrong. Oh, it's going to be bad tomorrow, but it started early this evening. We came all the way back home. Stephen didn't mind. He was just happy to see something different. We stopped and had a huge meal at O'Charley's in Oxford Alabama and he was an angel, if I do say so myself. He knew he'd been a good boy and when we got back in the truck, he applauded himself. As you can see in the photos above, the clouds started to roll in. It was pouring down rain. So hard, it was difficult to see. The wind was blowing like crazy. Lightening all around. I'm glad to be home. The interstate's southbound lane has been closed between Montgomery and Mobile so all lanes can be used for those trying to flee from the gulf areas. Hotels were full, everywhere. Restaurants were overcrowded. God bless them all. Everyone we managed to talk to seemed to be in really good spirits, considering. I was over at Swirly's journal (Coffee Swirls and One Girl's World) and read that her nephew had to move his 4th birthday party indoors. Bummer. Poor baby. I hope he had a great birthday anyway! Deb of, "The Making of a Home" I hope y'all are also hanging on over there in the Atlanta area. Please stay in touch and let us all know how you are doing. I'll try to do the same. For now, I'm beat and I'm going to call it a night!

A Few Pictures & A Lot Of Rambling

2005-07-08T14:14:00.000-05:00

The only explanation I have for not updating before now is, I'm just plain lazy.

True, I haven't the time these days either. Stephen really, really (really!) takes up a lot of my time. But mostly, I'm lazy. I am constantly thinking of things inside my head that I want to journal about, but those thoughts never make it out of my mind. I always get sidetracked when Stephen needs to go to the bathroom, needs a snack, or wants me to play with him. If it isn't that, I'm having to cook, clean, etc. Not to mention, my mama has needed me more these days to do little things for her. It never ends, really. Last Friday was the last day of summer school for Stephen and we've gotten a little off schedule. Sleeping in sometimes as late as 8:00 or so in the morning! That's late for Stephen and me. We've been staying up later than usual. Stephen, 11:00 and later, myself, after midnight. I stay up and pick up the trail of junk in the house, load the dishwasher, finish laundry. You know, all of the same things the rest of you all do, wherever you are. :-) It's exhausting to even say all of that. Makes me wonder, how I did all of this when I was working? Do I want to do all of this and work again? Did my income really make that big a difference? Nope. Not really. I'll play it by ear this Fall. I may or may not go back to work. DH has been needing my help with his business. I've never seen him so busy and someone has to do all of the ::sigh:: paperwork. Someone needs to take a small business course. I've managed salons, but the construction business is another ball game. Totally. I'd appreciate any good vibes and prayers you could send our way, for DH is about to take a leap into having his own fabrication shop. This totally scares the heck out of me. I just don't feel ready for this, but if not now, when? We're not getting any younger. But the security of working for someone else is something I will miss. I hate not knowing what's to come. Even though job security is not even close to what it once was. The reason he decided to become self employed in the first place was because he was laid of twice within 4 months, over two years ago. The benefits are not as good as they used to be, nor is the salary. Still, there are so many uncertainties with this new adventure. I'm not a risk taker. But I have to admit that I do like the fact that he is able to go to most of Stephen's Dr's appointments with me. Stephen is quite the handful. Even more, he loves to go on field trips with Stephen. Stephen is benefiting from all of this. At least, short term. I hope, long term too. All in all, I will say, summer has been good so far. When Stephen's dad gets back from work today, we are taking an overnight road trip. The kid LOVES hotels. Since we can't plan a vacation just yet, little trips like this will do just fine. We still have to go to the beach at some point this summer and my parents want us to go with them to North Carolina in August. A lot to look forward to. Many memories to make. Many, many pictures to take.

Now as I sign off on this overdue update, I will ask one more prayer request of you all. As you know, unless you've been under a rock, Hurricane Dennis is headed in our direction. Same trail as Hurricane Ivan. ::sigh:: My mama has already called and begged me not to take this little road trip. But we've already promised Stephen and really talked it up to him. He doesn't deal well with broken promises. Who does? Besides, it's a little north east of here. Between Birmingham and Atlanta to be exact. So - it may not even be as bad as it is here. We're closer to the Gulf here. I think it's a 3 1/2 hour drive from our driveway to Pensacola Beach. With all of that being said, I better go and pack Stephen's change of clothes and medication. Ooooh, I just had a terrible thought ... We didn't make reservations to go to that, small town. Umm, any chance everyone from the coast has moved up this way and have all of the Holiday Inns filled up? Hmmm... I hope not. I'd hate to hear mama say, "I told you so!" - - Again. ;-)

It could be ages till I update again. I hope you all have a happy and safe summer. I will still visit my favorite journals often.

Mother's Day

2005-05-09T15:11:00.000-05:00

Terribly busy ... Made time to spend Mother's Day with my mama. Then it was back to rush-rush-rush ...

I am making journal rounds as I type. I'm not going to make this a long update, I'd rather spend these few precious minutes, catching up on all of you guys!

Take care!

Special Olympics Games!

2005-04-23T23:18:00.000-05:00

I know it's been a looooong time since my last update, and I know some of you believe I left the planet for good. All I can say is, please forgive me. I've been busy-busy-busy! I never thought I'd say this, but I'm really enjoying my job(s) I'm finally building some sort of identity for myself again. I've been lost for almost 10 years. Really. Lost. Do any of you ladies out there know what I'm talking about? Ahhh, I'm sure you all do. After Stephen got older and in school, I found myself just waiting for him to come home to have something to do. Then, this year was his healthiest year so far and he was in school a lot of the time. Sure, I could scrub my floors with a toothbrush and organize closets every single day and have a spotless house. But where's the fun in that? And not get paid for it? Tuh! I think not! I'm really going to miss working (for money) when it's time for summer vacation. (vacation? Hah!)

So on to more important news ... The YGP album says it all! Stephen and I both stayed home most all week with allergies. :( But on the day of Special Olympics, we checked him in, let him have some fun, and then checked him out again. (hee,hee,hee) We had a blast! We were only there for 2 hours. Got a little sun burned, won a couple of ribbons, bounced in the space jump, went to McDonald's and then back home. How much better can it get?

Next week, good Lord willing, we will go to the zoo. I'll post photos of that as well. Or, at least that is my goal.

Enjoy the photos. Stephen says hello and sends many hugs to all of his aol-j friends!